9/23/2013--Smoothcall Back tonight and I'm not going away!

[Smoothcall]

I'm here again tonight 9/23/13 7:00 PM Pacific with my Live Coaching Thread.

Post questions. I answer them.

You can start posting now. I'll answer starting in about 20-30 minutes.

[Farmer]

I want to get in first for the return of Uncle Smooth


What are the biggest changes you made from the time you got married "pre-pua" and where you are now?


What lessons were learned, and how has that affected your relationship, and what would you pass on to us un-married folks who may want a relationship like that one day?


Also, I missed you

[Smoothcall]

I want to get in first for the return of Uncle Smooth
What are the biggest changes you made from the time you got married "pre-pua" and where you are now?

What lessons were learned, and how has that affected your relationship, and what would you pass on to us un-married folks who may want a relationship like that one day?


Also, I missed you

I miss you too Farmer.

I am such a different person from when I was married from 2000-2001, it is hard to give a comprehensive answer. And I think the things I've learned from when I lived with a woman from 2008-2010 are even more essential.

Briefly, here are some:

1. Adopting a framework that I can best describe as me taking care of myself as best I can and letting Mrs. Smoothcall take care of herself, and then each of us doing our best to bring our best selves to the relationship.

2. Being very clear and very firm about my boundaries and about what I wanted in a relationship.

3. Being flexible on my boundaries when she showed she earned me being flexible.

4. Withdrawing from confrontation when I realized that I would not be able to control my anger enough to deal with the situation. In the past, I insisted on staying an argument even when I couldn't think straight. Now, instead, I tell her that I am having trouble controlling my temper, that it is not her fault that I am having that trouble, that I love her, and that I need to have some alone time until I calm down. Usually, after 15 or 20 minutes I am okay again and she will have apologized.

[James Bond]

Smooth,
After being married, divorcing, living with a girl, and sleeping with a lot more, why did you decide to get married again?
Going to have baby smoothcall's?

And, what are good reasons to get married in your opinion as well as bad reasons that will get you in trouble?

[Smoothcall]

Smooth,

Now that I'm out here on the best coast. Any recommendations on weekend getaways, things you would recommend I check out?

I'm headed to San Diego to kayak in a couple weeks

And... I remember our dysfunctional girl talks and so happy for you that you have peace. I think I am headed in your direction ( eventually )

Thanks for the good thoughts, Bay!

I didn't know you're out this way now. You're in Arizona? Or actually in Cali?

We have so many great things out here it's hard to pick just a few. If you want something romantic, staying in the Morro Bay area and spending some time at Hearst Castle is fun. There are also a of wineries in that central coast area now too.

If you want something more athletic, don't forget there's skiing in both northern and southern California. If you're up for a breathtaking and fun challenge, try the hike up Mt. Whitney. Seeing the world from 14,000 feet is quite a thrill and if you're in good shape, you can make it up and back in about 12 hours or less. Yosemite is always beautiful. If you go up the back way, up 395, past Mammoth and Mono lake, you miss some of the crowds.

There is lots of nightlife in San Diego. I didn't know there was kayaking there. You can do white water rafting in Kern county.

[Smoothcall]

Smooth,
After being married, divorcing, living with a girl, and sleeping with a lot more, why did you decide to get married again?
Going to have baby smoothcall's?

And, what are good reasons to get married in your opinion as well as bad reasons that will get you in trouble?

No more babies for Smoothcall. I raised my kid.

You know, James, I've asked myself this question: Why get married again? The best reason I could come up with is that it just feels right. It feels really amazing great to be married to this woman. She seems to be a perfect match for me.

I know that the institution of marriage has a lot of flaws--I don't believe it is ordained by god or has much spiritual significance in any way.

It does have some legal advantages that would take a series of legal documents to duplicate.

I find some value in making a public declaration of our commitment to build a life together.

In regards to reasons that are bad reasons to get married--I've had my share of those in my earlier marriages: Wanting a regular supply of sex and feeling like I had to because the girl stayed with me and helped support me through law school are two that come to mind right away.

[Smoothcall]

Smooth

Are there any routines you use to keep marriage fresh?

I wouldn't call them routines, but there are a number of things that seem to keep things good:

1. We have a sexual "plug in" every morning when we wake up, first thing. This is a tantric practice that some teachers recommend. It doesn't matter if we're in the mood or not--we just do it. It might only be five minutes. Sometimes I can barely get hard because I have so much on my mind. But it avoids a problem a lot of couples have of getting in a routine and not having time for sex--when you're married, if you fall into this trap, you can get into a situation where you haven't had sex with your wife for two weeks or something and you're afraid to make a move on her.

2. In So. Cal. there are lots of private parties and events that are very sexually charged, for example, things like Bondage Ball--we try to attend something like that once a month or so. It gives her an opportunity to go out dressed very sexy and we can do some pretty crazy things. Jeez--we went to one this last week and when we got home, while we were having wild crazy sex, Mrs. Smoothcall kept asking me which of her friends I wanted to fuck and wanted details on how I would do it. ha ha ha That keeps things pretty damn fresh.

3. I have quite a few recordings of things that are similar to Sphinx of Imagination, but more sexual, and more for couples. Once a month or so we consume some type of adult intoxicant and listen to one of the recordings. One good one is called "Slip of Her Tongue" by an artist called Mona Blu.

I'm not sure if those are the type of things you're looking for or not.

3.

[Smoothcall]

Okay, thanks for the questions--we are done for the night.