August 2010

[The Chin]

Here are my current sticking points:

1) Acting like a boyfriend and committing too much too early
2) Stepping up to a higher level of women - going for the 10 instead of the easy 6
3) Meeting more women out during the day

I haven't yet decided how to tackle the above sticking points, but I'll think about it this week and hammer out a plan before the August 1st.

[Bravo]

1. What are you doing that makes her think of you as a BF?

Think about all the times we dig a chick, and they get a little under our skin because they dont want as serious a relationship as us= examples?

[The Outlaw]

1. I would suggest that you really start to think about your intentions. Do this quite often and try to become aware of your intentions at every phase. When you go approach a woman ~ what are your intentions, do you have an agenda. When you take her out on a date, do you have certain intentions, is there an agenda? When you go out three days in a row? When you meet her parents?

Understanding the intention I think helps me stay focused on what I am wanting. So, many times I have lost focus because I was unsure of my intention.

Agenda. This is something that I believe that you should have but not hide. There is nothing wrong in wanting what you want. You have nothing to apologize for wanting what you want.

I have also found "SPEAKING" to women when there becomes a mist in the air and things are not so clear to me anymore. Do not hide back ~ go a little too far with your honesty. You can always pull it back and calibrate it. Once I was in a situation like this (a girl thinking I was monogamous or was headed down the road towards this with her) I would and have just stated ~ "Hey I am not really sure where you are at right now, but I really do not want you to get hurt more than you need too, and I have this feeling that you are thinking that I am going to be exclusive to you....." Then give her time to speak.

I have done this numerous times. Almost sticking the fact of me not settling down in their face. I have learned from doing this a better understanding of what is needed for her to be seduced without getting hurt...or at least not as hurt.

2. Dregs settle. We are here because we want a life of excellence. We are some of the guys that are still going out, putting ourselves out there and not giving up, not settling. When you feel like you are settling....tell yourself that dregs settle and you are not going to because you are a champion!

3. Set a number, stick to it, have us help you stick to your number of approaches.

[Fame]

I get the one itis sometimes too. I just think of it like this now, remember your first time in love, i'm sure u guys broke up, then remember the next time you fell in love, you looked back on your past relationship, and realized your new one was better, and maybe this is what love feels like. anyway enough of highschool, point is, there is always someone out there who is better.

I just want to get girls to stop flaking, so far bowling is a better day two then movies

[Dwizzite]

Hey Chin,

Here are a few strategies I used to tackle those sticking points when I had them. They might help you out.
1. If you see each other no more than 1x a week, and to her about the same, you stay in fuck buddy land.
2. If you're settling for a 6 or a 7, you're probably settling for less than the best in other parts of your life too. Create a list of areas in your life where you might be settling for average, and make it a lifestyle habit.
3. How many women are you going to approach during the day and where?

Let me know if that helps.

[The Chin]

30 Day Challenge - Assertive in August
By the end of August, I will dramatically improve my assertiveness. In the past, I’ve been far too passive and this behavior is going to stop this month.

What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is based upon valuing yourself and the position that you are coming from. Assertiveness is the ability to communicate one’s thoughts and wishes in a clear, direct, and non-threatening way. Being non-reactive, but acting from a position of self-worth and being clear about intentions.

Not being passive. That is weak.
Not being aggressive. That shows a lack of control.

Step 1: Defining my intentions
Goal-setting is always the first step to accomplish anything in life. At the current time, I want to have the following relationships with women:
1) Open, not exclusive.
2) Not a girlfriend. More like friends with benefits. Dates occur as follows:
a. No buying anything more than a couple of cheap drinks. Bar tab to not exceed $25.
b. Not getting together more than once a week if we aren’t fucking
c. No getting together more than twice a week if we are fucking (I like to fuck!)
3) Nothing misleading about the relationship.
a. On a first night out, they will know my intentions
b. If I feel they see the relationship differently, I’ll discuss it with them to clear up where we see things going.

Step 2: Becoming unconsciously competent
I’m not a total choad when it comes to being assertive, but I do want to improve myself. I am certainly not where I want to be – the complete alpha male mind set of unconsciously competent.

My steps to improvement include:
1) Hypnosis/Meditation (4x per week)
2) Write down every instance of conscious choice regarding assertiveness. Think through outcomes and post on the forum my results.

Step 3: Being more Assertive with women
Assertiveness is about valuing yourself, and interacting from that strong position of value.

My steps to improvement include:
1) Failing more often with the most beautiful women. I value myself as an amazing person, so no need to worry about failure. I will talk to the hottest girls in the bar/café/street.
2) (Similar to above) Write down the instances of assertiveness, think through better ways to do things.

[The Chin]

First instance of assertiveness – having boundaries is key

I moved this weekend. I rented a truck from Enterprise on Saturday to move my bed and sofa. Enterprise was only open from 9-12 on Saturday, but I planned out that I could move everything I had to and have the truck back by noon.

On Friday, the girl told me to come in at 9:30. There would be a rush of people at 9, and I would be waiting. When I did show up at 9:30, I waited another 45 minutes for them to clean the car.

By 9:45, still sitting in the waiting area, I was pissed. But I thought about the situation and I framed my reaction in terms of my boundaries:
1) I needed a truck to move two loads of stuff.
2) I would have been able to complete my tasks in one day had they given me the truck on time.
3) Therefore, I shouldn’t be paying extra when I have to bring the truck back late.

When I finally was able to talk to the counter man, I told him we had an unacceptable situation. I was firm, but not angry or emotional with him. I told him because their truck was late, I would require a second day of the rental for free or I was walking out. And he gave me the extra day with no hassle. He clearly understood my position and agreed with me.

Assertiveness worked well.

[KingOfAces]

@the chin. i think you're goals are great. set them and work towards them. let me respond to your initial goals and give my 2 cents.

1) committing to early: i used to do the same. you have no idea until you do it, how many girls are open to just fucking around. just be honest with them up front and say "i'm not looking for a gf, i'm just having fun right now. but i really like you, and i think we could have a lot of fun together"

2) quantity vs quality huh? that old debate. you're the man bro. i used to hit on ugly girls in clubs because i thought i couldn't get hot ones. pick up works. you have no limits. The Chin is the man, girls don't deserve and can't hande you. that's truel so tell yourself that. don't settle for "a woman". if you're gonna settle, go to an asian massage parlor. you'll have to pay, but the girls are usually pretty cute. fuck that shit. get it out of your brain. you're a pickup artist. you have the ability to run the room. so do it. find the hottest girls. and talk to them. i know its intimidating. it was for me as well. but once i started doing it, it changed my life. i wont waste my time on girls anymore that i dont think are quality. if i couldnt post her picture here and know that i'd get 100 comments saying nice lay, then i dont waste my time on her...

[The Chin]

When to turn on the assertiveness?

As I was reading about assertiveness, I had a realization. I am very good at being assertive when I have time to think. I can logically work through a situation, develop an appropriate response. It is during spontaneous situations that I am more likely to struggle.

I think I’ve figured out a good signal on when to become assertive - whenever your fight or flight response goes off. In other words, if I begin to seethe or I withdraw from the situation. If I feel my fight or flight signals going off – then I’ll change my manners to an assertive position and take control.

[Dwizzite]

At the PUA Summit 2009, one of the keynote speakers spoke about pushing your calibration limit. I like to reinterpret it as "what is the boldest possible move I can make right now?" Being assertive means taking the lead and making the first move, regardless of what happens. Making the first move like it's going to work out, yet the risk that you really don't know, and it doesn't really matter. This is great for you man! Keep us updated!