August 2010

[The Chin]

I had a Day2 tonight. And the thing I was most concerned with leading up to the date was to set up the relationship correctly - let her know that I wanted to be part of an open relationship.

After chatting for about a half hour, I started into it. I went the honest route - always the best. "I have a dilemma and I want to lay it out to you. Every time I hit it off with a girl and we go out on a few dates, the girl puts me into boyfriend category. I really want something more casual, but it always seems to go more serious, too quickly. I am really vibing you, so I don't want to go down the same path. I end up with a suffocation feeling and it turns me off hard."

She was shaking her head yes the whole time I was saying it and she too was way into casual dating and just hooking up for sex. She even said she had a similar conversation with her girlfriends about just needing a non-serious relationship right now.

Makes me wish I'd started out every Day2 in the past like this. I would have lost a few, but now I'm convinced most would be really into it.

[The Chin]

Met a girl out from POF. We just had drinks but bounced to three different bars and ended up back at my place for the night. We didn't fuck, but I did push the interaction as far as it would go.

[The Chin]

I'm taking a breather from womanizing the past few nights. I have a upcoming stretch of 5 days out that I need to be ready for.

The only moment I can think of from yesterday was HBasian texted me on sunday about plans for the week and getting together. Turns out she is leaving thursday morning for two weeks and she filled her days leading up to that moment with plans. At first she said that she would be busy and would see me when she is back in town 10 days later. I texted her back saying "Wow, you are busy. But I don't want to wait two weeks to see you." She came back and told me she would make time for me on wed. In the past, I might have just said something like - okay, see you in two weeks, have fun. But I expressed my desires, she figured out a way to comply.

[Concrete]

Hey Chin,

Great Goals man! It seems that you are on your way to a great start.

I will defiantly need to incorporate these goals into my next 30 day challenge.

keep it up bro

[The Chin]

I've been out the past few nights and I've definitely been pushing it. For whatever reason, I haven't had any number closes or even cool conversations. But the most important thing is having fun, I that has been accomplished. I think it is just one of the things. Tonight is LA to meet up with the other forum members, so I'll be ready to go for that.

As far as assertiveness, no situations of note. But I have been doing the small things. Communicating my feelings to others. Being direct. Taking the lead. Making sure my point is understood.

[The Chin]

Meeting up with Bravo and company on Saturday night was great. Just hanging around Bravo and seeing his assertiveness and frame is great to learn how to model him. Every time I'm around him, I always learn one or two new things.

One thing that stuck out to me this time is that Bravo has integrity. On top of being a stand up guy and great leader, he is instantly trust-able because you know that he will do what he says.

If you have values (integrity, honesty, etc..) you can set your boundaries.

Boundaries allow you to be an Alpha Male and leader. You can lay out consistent guidelines for others to follow.

When you are confident in your boundaries, you can be assertive.

[Techfall]

Chinny poo poo. It's been a week. With no updates.

[The Chin]

You're right Tech - I've had some pretty uneventful days lately.

I was hoping this weekend was going to be epically good, but it turned out to be a dud. To make a long story short, 3 nights this past weekend were all junk - I didn't vibe with anyone. I talked with a lot of sets, but things just didn't work out right.

I did have a good moment tonight - Monday night. HB22, who I fucked tonight, called me an alpha male. I don't think I've been called Alpha by a female before, so that feels good.

Even better than that was that one of her jerk friends, a guy who is also alpha, called me an alpha male too during a conversation she had with him. So I feel much better that others are seeing it in me.

[The Chin]

I had a good test yesterday. I was at a mexican restaurant and the waitress brought out a pitcher of sangria instead of two glasses (an extra $14, which I wasn't too happy about). Plus the waitress barely spoke english, so there was definitely a communication problem.

So in front of my date, I had to explain to the waitress to take back this pitcher. If I was too passive with this moment, my date was going to see me as a pushover. Too aggressive and I would be the embarrassing guy who gets angry with wait staff. If I didn't act at all, then that is just weak because my date already knew this bothered me.

Basically I flagged the waitress down and let her know that my intention was to order two glasses, but her and I together had made a communication mistake and she brought a pitcher instead. I was calm, cool, and made sure not to raise my voice as the conversation went along. She responded back saying that is what I ordered in broken English, instead of arguing with her, I let her know I'm not mad and for her to decide how she wants to handle it.

10 minutes later, she gave us the bill and took off the price of the pitcher. And we left about a 30% tip for her being so nice.

[The Chin]

The month is complete, so here is what I learned....

In order to be assertive, you need to first set your boundaries and principles. Without them, you have nothing to stand on.

If you have your boundaries thought out ahead of time, you don't even need to think about acting assertively, it just happens.

Assertiveness can be as simple as expressing your feelings and preferences is all it takes. Even if you don't get your way, at least you stood up for yourself.

When you act assertively, people notice. And they respect you.

I've also gotten a lot better at recognizing passive aggressive behavior. This helps to understand situations and to call people out on their pissy behavior.