Overweight- Inner game

[lucky101]

When I was 13, I weighed 220 lbs and was 5 foot 9. I remember checking my body fat once,
and it was over 30 percent. But around the time I ended middle school I became obsessed
with fitness and nutrition, dropping down to about 140. In the process I got my first two girlfriends,
and even though they were far from 10's my confidence drastically improved.

6 Years later, I am 150 lbs and probably around 10 % body fat. I look much more athletic now, thanks to
a running routine, but when I take my shirt off I look flabby and have stretch marks.
I don't think they are going away any time soon- any suggestion on how to deal with this
insecurity?

[Jay-T]

Which is better? Being a healthy 150 who's a little flabby with stretch marks, or being an unhealthy 250 with flab and stretch marks? You've come a long way and that by itself is an accomplishment and you should think of it that way.

Some of the other guys here will be able to give you better advice on how to tone the flab up. I've always been small and don't have to work at it so I can't give you the best advice there.

[Smoothcall]

I was overweight like that as a kid also. I was about 5' 6" and 212 pounds when I was 12.

Now I am 6'3" and about 195--I have a bit of a paunch--I like to be about 185, but it's hard to maintain that.

That said, that little bit of flab and loose skin around my gut--it never seems to go away--even when I was 183. Even when I was spending 15 hours a week in the gym.

What women have told me is that it's ALL IN MY MIND. That I look great.

My therapist told me that when you are a fat kid, changing the way you see your gut in the mirror is just about impossible.

My only conclusion is that we are like an anorexic who can be 30 pounds under weight--sickly looking with bones all showing--and we still think we're fat.

So, the first thing to recognize is that the problem is in your head. Especially when it comes to women. As long as you're aren't obese, they are going to care. And even real big guys get hot girlfriends. Look at our good friend Farmer. His little tiny girlfriend is just about as hot as anybody would want. Hotter than some of the women I've seen with the so-called master PUA's. And there's no hiding the fact that Farmer is a BIG dude.

Here's the best solution I've found to start to get over the body image problem: Go back in your memory and start to remember all the time that being a fat little kid caused you pain. And instead of feeling shameful or embarrassed for that younger version of yourself, start to dump love and praise on him.

If you look, you can find some major things to love about yourself at that time.

This is the first time I've shared the following, and I'm doing so in hopes it is helpful for you. I discovered something when I opened up an imaginary dialogue with my little fat kid that I used to be. He's known how ashamed I was of him. He basically told me, "What the fuck did you want me to do other than eat? I was being abused and neglected. I couldn't take drugs. I couldn't drink. I was too young to jerk off. All I had was FOOD to make me feel a little bit better."

I started to give him credit for getting me through the really bad times the best he could. His goal was survival under some pretty shitty conditions--and he fucking pulled it off. And more, he held on to enough self-respect and sanity that I was eventually able to graduate from a First-Tier law school and start a great career as a lawyer (in spite of some people telling him he wasn't smart enough when he was a kid).

Now, I love that fat little boy I was. I am deeply grateful for how he pulled my ass through the firestorm.

And sometimes, when I look in the mirror now, I don't notice the gut so much. And I notice more some of my other body parts that women have told me they find to be quite nice.

Perhaps you can try doing something similar.

[lucky101]

Thanks man we have so much in common! I hope to graduate from a top tier law school as well
(I have a 3.45 at the 4th best university in Texas), and I even got a scholarship to become the
first in my family to go to college. I was physically abused as a child as well when I was younger,
and I suffered in school as a result as I would pass on the beatings my brother gave me to other kids.
In 2nd grade I was even sent to the alternative school, but I slowly mellowed out.
But your totally right about it being mental. From what I've read nothing short of surgery will
make the flab go away, and the number of fat cells we have is set in youth so neither will the
desire to eat. Your post has given me alot to think about, and its consolating to know, another
person knows how I feel. Take care man, I hope to talk to you again sometime.

[Smoothcall]

Come to my Monday night flashchats and we can chat more. 7 p.m. Pacific Time. On this website.

Hurry--I'm not going to be giving this stuff away for free forever.

BTW, I'm very glad if you found this helpful.

[value]

I am 5 9 and before i really started taking care of my health and diet I was almost 230. I carried it very well and most people had no idea I was that heavy, I certainly didn't look it. Within 6 months of just cutting out sugar and doing 45 mins of cardio 4 days a week I hit 185. That was over 2 years ago. I did nothing spectacular just slight changes here and there.

I have not had huge problems with stretch marks personally but I can tell you that a very good Vitamin E oil used daily can help lessen their appearance over time. They wont completely go away but you can get some decent results.

[(Q)]

Which is better? Being a healthy 150 who's a little flabby with stretch marks, or being an unhealthy 250 with flab and stretch marks?

Skinny ass Jay-T has never been fat like us, lucky high metabolism mofo

BUT his question is completely valid: you've lessened your chances for heart disease diabetes among other things and basically added years to your life. Stretch marks should never take away from that!!!!!

[Rhett]

I'm about 5'8"-5'9"... About 210 lb now. Lowest I've been is about 185, 190... I'm not muscular.. I'm kind of an ecto-endomorph. (skinny fat guy)... Hard gainer. (lazy)

You can have any woman you want. This is not just something we say - it is FACT. Now, rumination can get one to have second thoughts, get nervous, etc. There are some good methods above. Another that I have personally seen the rewards of is Affirmations.

Yes, I'm talking Stewart Smalley shit. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and... dog gone it - People like me. For me, I recognize "Hey, I'm a sexy guy." Passing mirrors reminds me of this. Whenever you get one of those "Damn that was money!" feelings because you just did something fucking money with a chick. Say it to yourself. When you're looking at the stretch marks and imagine what a chick might say about your gut, whatever, I rub my belly and say, "I do love a good steak" with a rogueish grin. (BTW, this is stuff I've said to chicks I just met.)

You are taking the power away from that fat kid feeling, building more confidence, and owning who you are. You don't care what others think because you're like a bear man.. You got these big fucking claws!

-Nick

[Jay-T]

Skinny ass Jay-T has never been fat like us, lucky high metabolism mofo

I can't help it

[Bandit]

When I was 13, I weighed 220 lbs and was 5 foot 9. I remember checking my body fat once,
and it was over 30 percent. But around the time I ended middle school I became obsessed
with fitness and nutrition, dropping down to about 140. In the process I got my first two girlfriends,
and even though they were far from 10's my confidence drastically improved.

6 Years later, I am 150 lbs and probably around 10 % body fat. I look much more athletic now, thanks to
a running routine, but when I take my shirt off I look flabby and have stretch marks.
I don't think they are going away any time soon- any suggestion on how to deal with this
insecurity?

Check out Latte's nutritional guide, some really good info on that. Inner game is one thing, that in my opinion is separate from physical fitness, thought they both affect each other. A lot of runners lack muscle tone, because they are simply running, that is only one part of physical fitness, you need to add in other workouts to tone muscle and your DIET is going to be the biggest key. You can do 5,000 sit ups a day, but if you don't watch your diet and eat right, you'll never see a 6-Pack.

As far as Inner Game, I hope you took up Smoothcall on his flashchat offer, he is a master of inner game and we can all learn a lot from him.