Never freeze when you see a beautiful woman again

I remember exactly how frustrating it was. I would see a woman that made me HAPPY to be a man, would give me butterflies in the stomach, blood would start pumping to parts of my body, my mind would forget about everything else and that magical moment was all that mattered and then….a little voice in the back of my mind would shut me down. It would tell me something like “no way she is single” or ” she would never be into a guy like me”, “I don’t know what to say”, or even worse, “it would be too awkward to go and talk to her with people watching”!

I am sure many of you guys can relate to this. Some of you have always felt this, and some guys like me, after a long term relationship ended, had to get back out there and start over.

The few times I did force myself to try it, (after a few beers and with the encouragement of my friends)  I would just mess it up, and it felt even worse than just not even trying at all.

I tried some ONLINE DATING, and I even got lucky a few times! But never when I wanted it the most, and NEVER with the caliber of woman I wanted.

I finally hit my breaking point when I got stood up on New Year’s Eve 2005. I had the perfect date planned, fireworks shows, and then back to my place for some fun…but she ghosted me. The worst part was I wasn’t even really into her…I had lowered my standards and STILL got stood up!

That night I decided that I would figure this area of my life out, no matter what!!!

You have to remember that the internet in 2006 wasn’t even close to what it is today. I had no one to help me, and books were the first thing I tried. Most of them were pretty worthless. But I did get a good tip here or there…. but one book that was recently released called THE GAME by Neil Strauss, changed my life! It was at that moment I realized that talking to women and dating was something I could get better at.

I started going out 3-4 nights a week, constantly doing what I was most scared of, talking to women. I didn’t have a coach or mentor to help me so it was slow going at the start, but then…things started to click. I was getting more dates than ever before with women I thought weren’t just beautiful, but really GOOD people as well…something I had almost given up hope on finding!

My new found social skills were so impressive I had friends start asking for help, friends trying to get me to help THEIR friends, guys on the internet who had read some of my advice driving hours to come meet me, and finally the author of the book that had such a big impact on my life, asking me to come work for him. Eventually he even wrote about me in the follow up best selling sequel to the book that changed my life, Rules of The Game.

Living in Hollywood and travelling the world teaching was a crazy time in my life. I learned so much, but I also learned what I didn’t want to be. I never was a club or bar guy, I don’t do drugs, rarely drink, and while it was fun having a super busy dating life…that just never was a big deal to me. I originally got into this stuff to get over my X and to just get a cool girlfriend. (which is what most of my students want). So in 2010 I moved back to Arizona and started my own company where I teach guys how to do that in a cool and authentic way.

The best part is, after 10+ years of professional teaching, with thousands of guys from all over the world, there are only a few real sticking points every guy has when it comes to connecting with women, and most of the time it only takes several hours to fix YEARS of mistakes!

  • How to approach women and get over your Approach Anxiety
  • What to say and how to say it
  • How to deal with her friends or other people around us
  • How to get a phone number and then what to do with it
  • How to plan a cool date (this breakthrough was HUGE for me)
  • How to sexually escalate, especially in the ME TOO era
  • How to not be clingy or desperate
  • How to make friends
  • How to be cool at work
  • and other the other things I teach like how to protect yourself + your loved ones

Are all things I coach guys in. I share things that changed my life and the lives of countless students around the world. Not just dating advice, but living your life like a MAN advice.

I am here to help you!

I can only imagine how fast my progress would have been if I had someone there to help me when I needed it. That is why I offer personal and 100% private COACHING, either in person or on the phone. I will help you break through any sticking points you have or any walls that come up in your way. Trust me, I 100% know how depressing it can be when you don’t have control of your life. I am living proof of what is possible and how awesome your life can get, and the best part is it wasn’t even that hard to get here!

If you have any questions, email me and I will get back to you. This is what I do, I love helping you guys, it is my mission in life. I get to turn all the negative shit I went through into something positive and spread it out in the world. Life doesn’t get much better than that. The best part is that guys that I work with, get to eventually do the same thing…

Hopefully, I will hear from you soon.


Written by Comments Off on Never freeze when you see a beautiful woman again Posted in Dating

Everything you need to know about OPENERS (podcast)

One of the HARDEST parts of Pick Up, but once you understand it, it really is maybe the least important.

That’s easy to say now…but when I was still in AFC land, when I was forcing myself to go out at night and OPEN, when my feet were frozen to the ground and wouldn’t move…I would have told myself to shove that advice up your ass.

Direct vs Indirect openers, situational, canned, improv, FTCs, rooting, AMOGs, mixed sets, day game, night game. I get into all of it here!

Here is over an hour of FREE insight, advice, and game changing tips about OPENERS. With some of the same information I cover with my private 1on1 students.

Let me know if this helps you, helps you level up, or if you have anything to add/ask below!

***added YouTube vid link in case easier to play

The 5 Oceans Opener

Canned openers & routine stacks are useful for 2 main reasons.

  1. If you have AA and start to freeze up, they are in your back pocket waiting
  2. When you don’t have to think too much about what you are saying (because you have practiced this stack so many times) you can use the extra brain CPU power to focus on other things that you need to work on. e.g. Body language and posture, vocal projection and tonality, eye contact, hand gestures, facial expressions, and maybe most important= reading the energy of the person you are conversing with. Are they responding positively/negatively etc…


When I first read Neil Strauss’s THE GAME, 13 years ago, I think I hated every single routine it contained. I felt like they either were incongruent with me, just not cool, odd, and some seemed even straight up creepy!

I did however instantly understood the formula behind them and manufactured my own, which mostly sucked. It took a solid few months of going out in field and testing them 3-4 nights a week, and then nightly debriefs to really get things solid.

It wasn’t until a few years later that I was teaching that I came across this opener. I was on stage at a big seminar in Hollywood, and had finished my talk and opened the floor for questions. One of the guys asked me what I thought about “The 5 Ocean opener”. I told him I wasn’t familiar with it and to demo it on me, which then turned into him just asking me if I could name all 5 oceans. To be 100% honest, before I started to respond, my inner voice was saying to myself “what a fucking stupid opener”, but then….THEN it clicked! I rattled off 4 of them…but the 5th one…that took me a few seconds. Before I even finished answering I shook my head up and down approvingly and said, “WOW that could actually be a REALLY good one”!

It’s so simple, so dumb, so out of left field, I thought it could be gold…. well after I polished it up.

When doing 1on1’s this is the indirect canned opener I give my students because I KNOW it works so well. This opener is so basic, so easy to remember, and I have never heard of anyone get called out by it. (Which is a big fear new guys have), every single person in set gets into it when they realize they don’t know the answer either.



So here are 2 versions of it, feel free to modify them and make them your own.

  • “Hey guys I know this might be the weirdest question you get asked all night, but I need some help. On the drive over here on the radio, they were doing that ‘are you smarter than a 5th grader thing’ and asked a question, not ONE person could answer it correctly, and I didn’t hear the final answer, and it’s driving me crazy not knowing, like when you hear a song and can’t remember who sings it, but anyways,the question they asked was, what are the names of the five oceans”?


“I know I know, it’s stupid, but I could only think of four.”

With this tactic, ripping on how stupid the question is before anyone else can, it is now out there and once I started preemptively ripping on it, no one said it was a dumb question. I also added the song part, because everyone knows how annoying that feeling is, and then can relate to my problem. By also saying I could think of 4, so ego comes into play. Those who want to 1up you will jump in and try to do what you couldn’t. Some will say there are only 4, which then I call an audible and turn that into a fun little bar bet. But almost every single time people just start trying to name them without any extra help.

Here is the tighter/faster version I mostly have guys run nowadays

  • “Hey guys real quick, I need your help to win a bar bet with my friend over there, can you name all of the 5 oceans, off the top of your head”?

***If you are up to speed on your Pick Up intel, you will know why each part is worded in that order, except for maybe the last part. I never had the issue, but student after student did, so we added a modifier at the end. It sets the rules so they don’t just pull out their smartphone and google the answer.

At this point people will begin to name off some oceans. They will repeat names, or say things like the “Mediterranean Sea” or “The Gulf of Mexico” I then always point out that is a SEA or part of an ocean that they already said.

So far I have NEVER heard anyone correctly name all five, to me or to a student. (which just shows you have bad our school system is!!!…actually that’s a fun little line I toss in sometimes too)

So after they are stumped I will say something like.

“Actually guys, I have a confession to make, I actually looked this up on my iPhone a few minutes ago. I felt like an idiot for not knowing them, but thanks to you guys I don’t feel alone or so dumb anymore HAHA”! -which usually gets a laugh and helps build rapport. Then I they will either ask me or I will volunteer the names of the oceans so we can move on.

Sometimes you give them multiple oceans that they left out, but usually I end up just having to tell them about the Southern Ocean, which I am shocked that so many people have never heard of. Many times everyone looks around and says “THE SOUTHERN”???
-I always try to repeat them back in the order they gave them, then add the ones they left out at the end

“Ya the Southern! I actually would have accepted the Antarctic Ocean as well, they actually changed the name of it to Southern and made it official. It’s stupid that they changed something like that which we all learned in grade school!”

Now the opener has successfully done its job, it OPENED. Once you get good at opening you quickly realize that opening is the hardest step for most, but the least important. What you say NEXT is always more important!!


I am still working on my next Podcast which is about OPENERS, but wanted this up on the blog so it was easy to find for everyone, forever.

You can technically open with almost anything, I have opened (and gotten very fun dates) without saying a word, just winking and smiling. This opener is just such a tried and true one, that like I said, if guys need one during a coaching, this is usually the one I have them run. It is very flexible and fluid. You can modify it for almost any environment and any audience, you just have to tweak your root and follow up.

Let me know if you have any questions and I will gladly help you out/clarify anything.

I hope she serves you as well as she has to countless guys all around the world!

Oh and this also works great as a fun BAR BET!

How I got over my Approach Anxiety (podcast)

Hey guys!

Thanks again for the awesome feedback on this audio/podcast.

Let’s call this my first OFFICIAL Podcast, since the other one’s were pretty quick.

I wanted this one to get deeper, to really get into how I got over my Approach Anxiety and transformed it into Approach Excitement!

This is something that I have only shared with private students, but since so many guys quit this journey because of they never conquer their AA, I decided to share it with you.

You can just listen along, or run through the drill yourself (when I tell you to PAUSE it).

But either way, this transformed my life, and I hope it helps you out as well.

This will make perfect sense after you listen

-any questions, feedback, thoughts= post them below or email them me directly!

Approach Anxiety Question

To make 100% sure I cover all of your quy’s sticking points, I am checking with you guys first.

What was/is the BIGGEST thing that gave you Approach Anxiety?

I know what it was for me, and I know what it was for tons of my guys, but I want to make sure there isn’t some anomaly out there that I haven’t encountered yet.

So quick audio check in and me asking you this question.

Let me know guys! Want to make the next mini-podcast as helpful as possible (and FREE!)

“Approach Anxiety Question”

Direct vs Indirect Game (podcast)

One of the oldest debates in the pick up / dating world.

Which is better, direct of indirect game?

The quick answer is neither- THE RIGHT MOVE AT THE RIGHT TIME.

Both work.

But what is the difference and why does one work better than the other?

I made a quick podcast for you to download or stream, to help you figure out what the difference is and which is better.

Let me know if you like this format, if so I will do more in the future.


I also made it as a private YouTube link, in case you prefer to listen to it that way


Written by Comments Off on Direct vs Indirect Game (podcast) Posted in Dating

How to go for that first kiss!

Going for that very first kiss

For many of us, it doesn’t get much scarier than that.

I still cringe remembering a few of my horrible attempt throughout the years!

But then I figure out the formula. Way before I was married or ever got into Pick Up, and the first kiss on a first date became one of my favorite moments in life!

There are a few important parts to it, so to make it even easier for you to get this info into your brain ASAP, we made a short vid that covers it.

I also threw in a few extra tips for you, on the TRUE purpose of the date, and also why you should NEVER call a girl “CUTE”.

If you have any questions, post below as a comment and I will gladly help.

If this video helps you up your kissing game, also post below and let me know!

How do I get THIS ONE GIRL

In the middle of the night when guys are awake trying to figure out why they are STILL single and at their most desperate, they shoot me an email that starts off

“There is THIS ONE GIRL”

The great thing is once you level up, this is one of the most easily understood concepts and you don’t even waste time thinking about it, let alone losing sleep over it, again!

But when you are first starting out it is one of the hardest to understand….

So to make it super easy for you guys, and because I have gotten a little tired of answering this so many times over the last 10+ years, we shot a quick video about it to help you out=

Simply, it comes down to


There are lots of woman, many of whom are single and just HOPING a cool guy will come and approach them today!

All you have to do is talk to them, and decent at conveying how awesome you are.

If you aren’t approaching, if you can’t convey it, and if you aren’t the awesome version of yourself YET=


My life is dope, and I do dope shit!

Some of you guys might have heard me say this already, or post about it online.

My life is dope, and I do dope shit -Kanye West

I can’t stand Kanye, but damn if that isn’t a great mindset! (it’s from a Dave Chappelle interview which I will embed below)

This is our motto for 2017.



What if you only had this next year to live, how would you plan it out differently? What are the things you have been wanting to do, but have been putting off? What have you been DREAMING about doing…someday? (If you want some advice RIGHT now, post them below as a comment and I will help you)

What if you only had 6 months left?

1 month…1 week?

How would you start MAKING those dreams your new reality?

I did it, and here is a vid I shot just a little bit ago explaining it more in depth

We all have wasted our time on activities that didn’t deserve it. At jobs we hated, on people who didn’t add value to our lives, or even just on negative thinking.

If you are sick and tired of doing all of those things, and instead want to level up and want to learn some of the secrets that helped me after hitting my lowest, stay tuned.





Here is the Kanye vid. The part I am talking about starts around the 4 min mark.

Just be yourself. What the hell does that mean?

I remember the first time I heard “JUST BE YOURSELF” and thought=

What the fuck does that even mean? I AM being myself, isn’t EVERYONE being themselves?

Even worse, it was said by a beautiful girl and when I asked her to break that down, she just repeated it again, in a more girly voice. (think legally blonde)

I then dismissed it thinking it was shitty and pointless advice that was no help to me.

Throughout the years I heard this again and again, or variations of it, and each time I would think how dumb and pointless this advice was….


But does that actually mean it is shitty advice?


OR is the problem twofold

  1. Women who I heard this from weren’t able to logically break down what they are EMOTIONALLY attracted to in men and what this actually means at a root level.
  2. I was not in a head space yet where I could understand what this piece of GOLD actually meant!


Being “yourself” is an evolving and ever changing reality. I am still ME 20 years after hearing this, I am just an older, wiser, tougher, better looking, and more confident version of myself now. 😀

My favorite analogy on improving yourself and being TRUE to who you are is think about it like a CAR.

Some guys want to just get a girl and do 0% work on improving themselves. This is like trying to sell your car AS IS. Unless you have been taking care of it for all of these years…it won’t get you a lot of money for it.

Now imagine investing a day on improving your ride. You wash it, vacuum it out, and take some really good pictures before posting it online This helps you justify asking for more money for it.

Now imagine if you waxed it, steam cleaned the upholstery and motor, recently put new tires on it, got every service documented and done at the factory auto shop and had the paperwork to prove it. You didn’t just do this to sell it, you actually did this ALL THE TIME because you care about your car, you could justify asking WAY more money for it!

So let’s say this is your car, a 1970 AAR CUDA (one of the coolest cars ever)!

The paint has worn off, the tires are rusted, the grill is missing and so are the headlights, and it actually doesn’t even run. Some people would still be happy buying this car as is, but only a very small segment of the population.

But you start working on it, you know how awesome this car can be if you put in the time on rebuilding it. You have the skills, or friends with skills, or the money to hire those with skills, to help you turn this broken down car into a work of art!

You strip away everything, which helps you find areas that you didn’t even KNOW you had to work on, until you get to the frame, the FOUNDATION of the car. THEN you start building it back up, bolt by bolt, wire by wire, you decide to improve it and drop a improved motor in it, add better brakes and wheels, and AC.

Once you are done, you have one of the COOLEST cars ever. A car that people all over the world dream about, have posters hanging in their bedroom or garage of, people take pictures of it when they see it, strangers honk and wave when they see you driving by, it even might win awards.

This is all the SAME car.

It isn’t PRETENDING to be something it’s not.

It is just being a BETTER version of itself.

Some of you guys might not be classic car, muscle car, or MOPAR fans, and that is fine. All that means is you have BAD TASTE!

I want to say I am joking, but really I am not, the only cars cooler than a 440 ‘Cuda is a Hemi Cuda and a CUDA AAR! 🙂

But if you REALLY don’t like it, that is OK. There are enough people out there that do, and me and them already have something in common.

So when that girl, all of those years ago told me to “just be myself”, this is what she was talking about.

  1. By being MYSELF I was putting out an accurate snapshot of who I am to every woman (and person) I meet. By giving them that honest picture, it makes it much easier for them to decide if I am someone they might click with. When guys are out there PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT, they are basically lying to everyone they meet. (Women who hook up with these guys and later find out it was all an act, rightfully feel like they were manipulated into bed).
  2. She was also telling me to be the BEST version of myself! Not the stinky, unwashed, fat, bad clothes wearing, weak, unable to protect myself or my loved ones, poor, shy, unconfident version of myself. (which could easily exist if I let it).
    She was saying she wanted the version of me that lives up to my full potential!

Which can be difficult to do…

And it was.

Until my divorce.

Then I decided to make life my bitch and take control of it.

It took a while, I had to break down the areas of my life that need overhauled, rebooted, improved, and even add stuff I never would have dreamed about. Breaking everything down to the foundation let me see things I didn’t even know I needed to work on. It then let me rebuild myself into the man I am today.

The path I travelled was a difficult one. Moving to another state, the amount of money I spent, working a job that was making me sick from all the BS each day, and spending more hours than I can even count working on my Pick Up, Dating, and Life skills.

But now, as I sit here in my home office, looking out the window into the snow covered pine trees, living in Flagstaff, where I have been wanting to move to for years, living with my GF, who is the coolest most amazing woman I have ever met, getting ready to head out to teach a 3 day 1on1 private session, recently returning from a friend and former student’s wedding, working for myself, when I want, with who I want because of the world I have created, and I think back to the version of myself who first heard this, who heard “I want a divorce” who was alone, who was depressed. It’s almost like a dream. I have to really think about it to even remember SOME of that version of myself…and even then it doesn’t feel like ME…not anymore.

I can tell you first hand.

Everything I went thru and all the hard work was all worth it.

2015 was an action packed year for me. I knew I was moving away from Phoenix so spent as much time as I could training with my martial arts instructor, travelling, camping, martial arts, edged weapon and firearms training, and check marking more and more boxes off of my goals list that I made almost 7 years ago.

2016 is right around the corner.

I have accomplished so many things that are on my goals list that I am actually having trouble trying to add MORE things to it!

So if you want to work on goal setting TOGETHER, making 2016 YOUR year, and want to do a frame up rebuild on yourself, your life, or your relationship goals, and become the BEST version of “BEING YOURSELF”, I am here and ready to help.

You can do it solo like I did, and take years figuring it out on your own and hope to get lucky, or you can get my help and learn things in days that took me months or even years to master!

Personal and Private coaching with Stephen

Let’s make 2016 the last year we are unhappy with our direction in life, and instead take it in the direction we want, that WE control!