Tagged: bottom

Hitting rock bottom

Standing on the balcony of my apartment in Phoenix, awesome view of not 1 but 3 different fireworks shows on this New Years Eve, a glass of Makers Mark whiskey in my hand and I was seconds away from hitting rock bottom.

My wife had told me she wanted a divorce months ago after our miscarriage, I wanted to try and make things work but it wasn’t possible. We had to sell our brand new house and I even helped her move her stuff into storage. We both were looking for new places to live, she lucked out and found a big townhouse, I couldn’t find anything and got an apartment. I think it was a week and she was already dating a guy, and from a few pictures I saw on MySpace and what I heard thru the grapevine, she was looking better than ever and living life to it’s fullest.

I still hadn’t come out of my downward spiral. Sitting on my couch watching DS9, eating fast food everyday. Life was pretty shitty for me, but I still had a little further down to go.

After being tired of being alone for almost a year, I got on a few online dating sites, but had no clue what to do, apparently it is a BAD idea to tell girls within the first few minutes of talking to them that I am 25 and divorced.

I somehow got lucky and had this cute little 20 year old Hispanic chick emailing me back and she even sent me a few sexy pics showing off her giant rack! All I kept thinking was if I was able to get this chick to be my new girlfriend everything would be fine. So I started making plans for us to hang out.

I had the foolproof idea that she should come over to my place for New Years for our first date. It would be so romantic, we could watch the fireworks, eat some food, and if she snuck a few sips of booze when I wasn’t looking no big deal, it might help me get some. 😀

I went to the store and stocked up on supplies, food, snacks, and chick friendly drinks. Spending money I didn’t have but fuck it, I might get laid so it was worth it.

8pm rolls around and she wasn’t there yet. We text a bit and she tells me she is running late, no biggie we got all night…

11pm rolls around and now she is no longer responding to my texts…

12:00am and I am standing outside on my balcony, alone just as the fireworks start to light up the desert sky.

I have now been stood up for the first time in my life and it was on fucking New Year’s Eve.

As I sat alone on my balcony. All I could think about was all the people out having the time of their life. My X who was in the arms of a new guy having her New Year’s Eve kiss. The chick who blew me off probably to go and hang with her friends.

I was alone….and not by choice. No friends, no girl, and was barely talking to my family.

I took a swig of my whiskey and thought to myself, this will never happen again. Whatever it takes, whatever I have to do, by this time next year my life will be awesome.

-I started and stopped writing this post for weeks. Part 2 will be how I started to change