Style, Grooming, Developing an Avatar, & Peacock Theory

[NSM]

Style, grooming, posture, and body language are extremely important for several reasons. First impressions are mostly visual and it’s important to make the best first impression you can, every time you can. Dressing well and being well groomed are often more important for a man than what he physically looks like. For example, Brad Pitt would not be considered one of the sexiest men in the world if he always dressed and groomed himself like a homeless man. A man’s grooming and style speaks to his ability to take care of himself, this speaks to his ability to take care of others, and triggers attraction in women. This means that your ability to be viewed as being attractive is more within your control than you may have thought. Lastly, knowing that you look good will increase your self confidence and self confidence can multiply your success in every area. When you can look in the mirror and see a sexy and stylish man staring back at you, then you will expect others to see the same man when they look at you.

Here I hope to cover grooming, style, developing an avatar, and Peacock Theory. Like every other aspect of creating your best self, improving in these areas is a process. You can continue to do a little every month throughout your life to develop your style.

Let’s start with a list of things that can be done to maximize your grooming. This list will likely cover several things that you have never done and you should not let that stop you from trying these things. Like any other area that we’ll cover in your process of becoming your best self, it will benefit you to try new behaviors, see what works for you, keep what works, and forget the rest. Make sure that every month you try a few of the following things that you have never done before until you cover the list. Give each one a fair shot regardless of how far it may be outside of your comfort zone. This will prevent you from missing out on something that will make an important change in your life because of fear of the unknown. You can also seek professional assistance in any of these areas, often without having to spend much extra money.

-Manage/style facial hair and eyebrows.
--Studies have proven that the more facial hair a man has, the older he is perceived to be. So if you desire to look younger then go clean shaven but if you want to look older then more facial hair will better serve you.

-Change your hair style:
--I highly recommend going to a high end hair stylist and asking them a lot of questions before you let them cut your hair. Tell them that you are giving them the freedom to do whatever they want with your hair to make you look the best. Ask them why they want to cut your hair like they want to, what the best features of your hair are, how to think about facial structure as it pertains to your hair, what products to use later, should you dye it or get highlights, and how to style it after the cut. Make sure you dress well when going to the stylist. Speak to them about how your hair cut will play into your overall style. Once you get all that information you should take pictures, remember what you learned, and you can then try to find a cheaper hair cutter that can duplicate your cut since you will now know exactly what you want and why.

-Remove extra body hair:
--Areas to consider are nose, ear, back, chest, eyebrows, etc. You can buy a trimmer, try waxing by yourself, or seek professional help.
--If you do decide to go get a professional wax job, make sure you bring a friend who can record it and put the video on YouTube after.

-Scent is extremely important:
--Deodorant, soap, toothpaste, and breath spray are the basics.
--Investing in proper cologne is very important. Go to a perfume shop and have a conversation with the salesperson until they can recommend a scent or two that works very well for you. When you’ve selected one you like, put it on your skin and smell it again in 5, 15, and 30 minutes. Different notes in the cologne will emerge over time and it will smell differently on you than on a strip of paper. When wearing the cologne, only apply two sprays at a time (one for your wrists and one for your neck). You want it to be smelled when a girl is very close to you, not when you walk into a room.

-Get a tan, either naturally (it only takes 15 minutes in the sun to trigger a melanin response, more than 15 minutes is unnecessary) or by going to a tanning salon for spray tanning or tanning bed sessions.

-If you do not have perfect vision, get contacts, laser surgery, or cool glasses that compliment your overall look.

-Get a manicure or pedicure.

-Whiten your teeth and practice smiling.

-Join a gym, start a consistent workout program, and work on your nutrition.
--Having a personal trainer or a work out buddy will keep you accountable to a workout program.
--Many people underestimate the effect of one’s nutrition on their appearance. The body is continuously building itself using the materials you provide for it. If you were building a house, you wouldn’t use cardboard and tape, yet many people use equally poor materials when building their bodies. In retrospect, this is an obvious thing, but when you are in a rush and the dollar menu is cheap and convenient, it can be tougher to make good long term decisions.

-Consider makeup.

-Start using skin care products and seek professional dermatology if necessary.

Now it’s time to start thinking about personal style. Again, this will be a process, so don’t worry about having to spend the money on a completely new wardrobe all at once. Right now you will want to go out and get one new complete outfit then every month continue to buy a couple of new quality items until you do have a brand new wardrobe. By always adding to your wardrobe you will also be more likely to keep up with current fashions and not have your clothes get outdated.

Updating your wardrobe is a great area to seek professional help because you can get it for free and practice your social skills at the same time. Simply go to a store that sells the kinds of clothes that you will want to wear and grab a saleswoman to help you (if you go during a time when it is not busy this will be easier). Tell her that you are looking to change your look and you need her help to do it. Take the time to come up with several outfits, try them all on, and don’t settle until you both think you look awesome. Remember that you should be trying on new things that you would have never worn before, stepping outside of your comfort zone, and having fun with it. You can also ask random people who you run across who dress well where they shop and then go there and enlist the help of salespeople there.

Next let’s cover a list of things that can be done to maximize your style and some style don’ts

-Only buy cloths that fit. Most men buy clothes that are one size too big. You will no longer make that mistake, or wear loose or baggy clothing. Wearing clothes that fit you well will usually feel too tight at first because you are likely used to wearing clothes that are too big for you. When buying clothes, make sure they are snug, but do not pull, ask a sales person if you are not sure if something is too tight for you.
--You can also invest in tailoring to make cloths fit you perfectly.
--If you are seeking to lose weight then make sure to avoid two common mistakes in this area. First, buy clothing for your current body and weight, not for the body and weight that you aim to have. Second, do not buy clothing that is too big for you to attempt to hide your weight, because it will have the opposite effect of making you look bigger than you really are.

-Accessorize:
--Women are biologically more prone to noticing details than men. There is also a subconscious link between accessories to wealth, because they are unnecessary things.
--Pick accessories which you can tie to positive qualities about yourself or interesting stories you can tell (this will be covered more in depth in the Demonstrating Higher Value section).
--Go all out with as many accessories as possible, then subtract until you find a comfortable amount. You will be more likely to end up with a good amount of accessories for you this way as opposed to adding one or two items.
--Different types of accessories include: rings, necklaces, watches, earrings, belts, buckles, ties, pocket squares, pins, hats, scarves, chains, cufflinks, tie clips, bracelet’s, exe.

-Purchase good shoes, both casual and dress shoes.
--Most men do not pay much attention to shoes but most women pay a lot of attention to shoes. Women not only pay attention to their shoes and other women’s shoes, but to men’s shoes as well. By being one of the few men who pays attention to his you will stand out from the crowd.
--Getting a female opinion when purchasing shoes can prove really helpful when you are not yet confident about what makes shoes cool or not. Either use a saleswoman as mentioned earlier or use going shoe shopping as a date.

-Buy, or subscribe to, a few fashion magazines.
--Have a way to keep track of items you like and go shopping with a purpose. One way to do this is with a style scrapbook where you can cut pictures out of your magazines then go shopping with the book in hand (this also makes an interesting conversation starter).

-Always try shopping at new stores. You will find new favorite stores as you go, but should still try new stores on a regular basis.

-Push yourself out of your style comfort zone by trying on things you would have never tried before.
--Make sure you give new types of clothing a fair chance but do not consistently wear clothes that you are uncomfortable in because if you feel uncomfortable then you will look uncomfortable.

-Take time to look at yourself objectively before going anywhere and ask yourself what your look says about you.

-Do not mix black or grays and brown.

-Always match the color of your belt and socks with your shoes.

-Get the most out of each piece of clothing by using different combinations to create different outfits.

-Buy clothes for you to wear now with the body you have now, not for after you lose or gain weight.

-Wear clothes appropriate to the event.
--A suit is not appropriate for a pool party, shorts and a tee shirt are not appropriate at a business function, and Crocks are not ever appropriate for being in public. Consider how most others will be dressing where you are going, then modify your look accordingly. Make sure that when you stand out it is for the right reasons not because of inappropriate clothing choices.
--Before going to a club for the first time, make sure you find out what their dress code is. For example, most clubs will not allow in men wearing sneakers, flip flops, athletic wear, or ball caps and you would not want to be stopped at the door because of inappropriate attire.

The proceeding style tips will help you start and stay moving in the right direction with your style journey. However, unless you have a destination in mind then you are starting a road trip with a map but nowhere to go. Take some time to think about the kind of look that you would like to cultivate and start developing your style destination.

Your look should be based on visually expressing who you are and what you are interested in. If you are really into country music, then dress like a cowboy. If you travel often then wear accessories that you acquired on your travels. Again, your accessories and style should tie into positive qualities about yourself or interesting stories you can tell. Your look must also be congruent with who you really are. If you are really into country music then you should not dress like a punk rocker.

Another good way to start forming a personal style destination is by using avatars. The World English Dictionary says that the word avatar can be defined as, “a visible manifestation or embodiment of an abstract concept; archetype.” In our case, your avatars will be embodying the concept of your ideal look and general style. TV and movies are great sources for finding avatars. Start paying attention to the style choices of your favorite TV and movie characters until you find characters that have looks that you would like to have yourself. Having avatars as your style destination will provide better direction in your style journey because you can then go shopping with a purpose. Again, pick avatars that are congruent to whom you are and the life you lead. James Bond may be a great avatar for you if you desire to look dashing and professional but he would be a bad avatar if you want to be a rock star.

The last concept that I want to cover here is Peacock Theory. Peacock Theory is based on the fact that a peacock is selected by a peahen based on it having the biggest and brightest plumage. In the same way, human females give more attention to men who dress in a way that is visually striking. Having interesting accessories that can be used as conversation topics is a very basic way to peacock that every man should consider. I will often wear a spinner ring, a watch that has faux diamonds surrounding its face, and my cross from the Vatican. You can also go all out by wearing a full outfit that is very different and attention getting. I have also walked around a club wearing a banana costume on Halloween. There are also several stages in between, like when on my birthday, I wore a big birthday hat to several locations. It is easier to peacock in a more extreme way on special occasions that you can use to explain your outfit.

Peacocking will get you more attention, both good and bad and you will need to be able to deal with that attention while remaining unaffected by it. The more you peacock, the more people will look at you and approach you, if you are alone and not having fun when they look at you or you don’t have anything to say when they approach you, then peacocking will work against you. The most important things about successful peacocking are to be congruent and have fun with it. Be prepared for the extra attention by being able to nonchalantly respond to both the positive and negative attention it will get you and the questions it will raise.

You are now equipped to start dramatically changing your style and start dressing like the man that you want to be. Now is the time to take control of your appearance and stand out as a high value man.

[Fame]

IF ALL ELSE FAILS: White T Shirt that fits, Blue Jeans -boot cut, and chuck tailors, don't forget a belt, this is the american standard for casual. adding a necklace/watch/bracelet to it helps, but it's perfect for day game

[NSM]

The Febuary issue of GQ said that the only cut of jeans you'll ever need is slim straight. Straight down from your waist without extra room. As much as I like slim straight, I also have a cool boot cut pair, and a pair of skinny jeans or two. It really depends on what look your going for, but slim straight are a great stand by if your not sure.

[Maestro]

Great article NSM. I like that it helps people develop their own sense of style rather than tell them what to wear. Great advice in there. Whoever edited it for you must be the smartest guy you've ever met in your entire life

[Virgil Flowers]

Good post. Thankfully...I already did almost every grooming tip prior to being in this thing of ours. And...before I was in the game...I knew it mattered.

[NSM]

Great article NSM. I like that it helps people develop their own sense of style rather than tell them what to wear. Great advice in there. Whoever edited it for you must be the smartest guy you've ever met in your entire life

Credit to Maestro for editing...

[Shotz]

yeah, great thread! I think you can still dress with style and peacock without going overboard like Mystery and some of the guys from Venusian Arts.

Things that have helped me is if I see someone else wearing something that looks cool I make a mental note to go get it. That goes for anytime you see someone famous wearing something cool. I ask cute hired guns to critique or add to outfits any time I'm shopping.

[NSM]

yeah, great thread! I think you can still dress with style and peacock without going overboard like Mystery and some of the guys from Venusian Arts.

Things that have helped me is if I see someone else wearing something that looks cool I make a mental note to go get it. That goes for anytime you see someone famous wearing something cool. I ask cute hired guns to critique or add to outfits any time I'm shopping.

Exactly! I mentioned doing those kind of things in the article because I agree that they are extreamly usefull practices.

[Keyser Soze]

NSM, great post. A lot of crucial basics in there. The importance of wearing clothes that fit CANNOT be overstated. American men have a real problem with this; every time I visit the US I am appalled by the tsunami of shapeless "mom jeans" and oversized plain shirts I see on the streets and in bars and clubs. Even if you keep your same style and just buy items that fit properly you will be ahead of most men out there.

And I echo wholeheartedly the advice on creating an avatar. Someone just starting out may want to experiment with different looks until he finds one that he likes and (this is critical) that is attractive to the women he is interested in. Having a look that is congruent is crucial. For example, there was a post a few days ago that had a link to a bunch of earrings - now I wouldn't have worn any of them, because my avatar is on the Mad Men/James Bond end of the spectrum, but someone rocking a different look could pull them off but might not feel comfortable in one of my 60's-style 3-piece suits.

One tiny quibble, if I may: I humbly submit that socks should match trousers rather than shoes. In many instances the colours will be the same (i.e. people wear black shoes with black trousers) but not always: when I wear a grey suit and black shoes, I wear grey socks rather than black.

Oh, and no Ed Hardy. Ever.

Cheers,
KS

[NSM]

NSM, great post. A lot of crucial basics in there. The importance of wearing clothes that fit CANNOT be overstated. American men have a real problem with this; every time I visit the US I am appalled by the tsunami of shapeless "mom jeans" and oversized plain shirts I see on the streets and in bars and clubs. Even if you keep your same style and just buy items that fit properly you will be ahead of most men out there.

And I echo wholeheartedly the advice on creating an avatar. Someone just starting out may want to experiment with different looks until he finds one that he likes and (this is critical) that is attractive to the women he is interested in. Having a look that is congruent is crucial. For example, there was a post a few days ago that had a link to a bunch of earrings - now I wouldn't have worn any of them, because my avatar is on the Mad Men/James Bond end of the spectrum, but someone rocking a different look could pull them off but might not feel comfortable in one of my 60's-style 3-piece suits.

One tiny quibble, if I may: I humbly submit that socks should match trousers rather than shoes. In many instances the colours will be the same (i.e. people wear black shoes with black trousers) but not always: when I wear a grey suit and black shoes, I wear grey socks rather than black.

Oh, and no Ed Hardy. Ever.

Cheers,
KS

Thanks man! Nothing in Style is law, and this was meant to be general advice for basics. When I wear a birght shirt I may have my socks match my shirt. Like when I'll wear a bright pink collard shirt, pink/black belt, and pink socks with a black vest, black skinny tie, black dress shoes, and nice dark wash jeans. What I don't want to see guys do is wear white socks with black or brown shoes.