Fear of rejection and failure.

[tornapathy]

I have come to understand a little bit more about myself over the past few days and weeks. I just started reading a book entitled. The 13 Things a Mental Strong Person Does Not Do , with this I have opened my eyes.

I am massively afraid of rejection and failure. So much in fact that given the opportunity I will always take the easy way out. This includes, but not limited to not approaching, if I approach, it's not a target that I know is going to turn me down (an example being hired guns), or I just make pitiful excuses.

Why, because my inability to handle rejection. I take it way to personal. I have done something wrong, it is my fault (it stems from a childhood issue).

I am so afraid of these things that I don't ever give 100% of who I am. I never give work my all, I never give relationships my all. It's taken me too long to realize these issues. Only by shear whim and a flight from FL to NC that I would have started to even piece these things together.

My next step is I have to seek professional help. This is not a problem that I feel I can just give it the good fight and conquer on my own.

If anyone has any good suggestions on how to aptly pick a good counselor, the advice would be greatly appreciated.

[tornapathy]

Today, I spoke with Ice via the Skype. ( The ideas here are completely jumbled and random, I tend to learn better that way. If you need help clarifying ideas or the thoughts, let me know just giving key points and general ideas. )

Here are the takeaways from that conversation and what I need to work on!

First, we started talking about myself and how I was feeling. Which I explained, anxious between work and social life that I wasn't getting where I needed/wanted to be at. Which we then talked about The 5th Discipline by Peter Senge. How the two many principles are creative tension/energy, systematic thinking. (My take away here when you are feeling anxious use that creative tension to put forward into anything approaching, job hunting, self improvement.)

We talked about a leadership book that he recommended. And then about what happens when you smile and when some smiles at you. You tend to feel happy, good, excited. You smile back. This is an indicator of healthy self-esteem, smiling.

Then we talked about models others mindset. How adopting a mindset that is congruent with what you are trying to become.

Then I was given the task to notice of my approach feelings, and when I am not approaching feelings.

Next, we tend to do better in environments that are positive and surround ourselves with positive people. So being mindful of that is key. We want to be around people that enjoy our company, as opposed to being around friends, family, and girls who constantly put us down. Reaffirm boundaries, take away these negative people and surround yourself with people who like you, then others will start gravitating towards you because of these you are a positive influence.

Then we talked about his PX2 experience and advice that was given to him. This I will keep a secret, I felt it was shared too me in earnest due to some similarities Ice and I shared.

Next I was given my next task. Improve speaking skills and posture and change my perspective!

Then we talked about setting boundaries with unhealthy people, be they family/friends/co-workers. Also, rejection isn't personal, how can someone reject you when they hardly know you. WIth that we talked about iron fist, velvet gloves when setting boundaries being firm yet soft.

Also, we talked about my name on here. "Be careful of thoughts. Your thoughts lead to your words, your words lead to your actions, your actions lead to your character, and your character leads to your destiny."

Also how words impact state of being.

The power of positive thoughts and negative, and reframing. Forgiveness of self with mistakes, being able to handle rejection. Be cool and confident, not creepy/weirdo. How do I handle when girls ask me what I want or looking for.

Reframe moped perspective.Negative headspace and it being killer to improvement. Paying attention to thoughts how often positive and negative anytime negative reframe to positive.

With that those were my tasks, plus some work related tasks.

I showered and applied to a few places.

With that. This will need to be edited. I just wanted to write a quick summary.

[Ice]

I've been thinking about getting on a call with you for awhile. Spent some time on you with forum, you kept asking good questions, showing initiative with learning mindset. After seeing you post about this - had to get on a call with you. Let you know that what you just posted - we go through - even though most may never talk about. Sometimes it's about finding the calm in the storm and getting you though. Just need right mindset, attitude and belief in yourself.

On the call - I noticed that you were a normal, good guy that had the potential to be something greater - and you wanted to be.

First thing we talked about was mindset. We talked about how in sales, you don't close 100% of people that walk in. Not everyone we hit on, will lead to a lay. And we have to give ourselves permission to make mistakes, and not take everything so hard. Knowing that you will fail is part of the journey - but pushing yourself to become successful is the important part.

That uncomfortable feeling you have where you want to succeed but you aren't - Peter Senge wrote in the fifth discipline - that's creative tension. You can use it to be productive, or you can let it sit, stew, and it become negative. Use that energy for the positive to move yourself forward.

We also talked about not taking it personally when a girl rejects you. My first thought when a girl rejects me is: "WOW - You have no frigging idea what you're missing out on. All the experiences and value I bring to the table -- she's a dummy for not realizing it." Then I go into constructive thinking about how I there's anyway I can present all my DHV's to her so she knows what she's missing out on.

And knowing that not all of them will lead to lay - there could be reasons why girls might not be into me. Some girls might not like me because of my race, or my well-kept appearance, lack of facial hair - whatever. That's fine. But there are there are girls who would like me because of all those I just listed. And there are girls that would like me because of the confident way I present myself - the way I speak and convey and carry myself. The fact that I make can make them laugh, and get them hot by just by talking to them.

The environment that you're in - makes a HUGE difference with your mindset. Surround yourself with positive people. If around negative people - it can rub off. If around yourself all the time, can feel isolate. Pay attention to your thoughts. More negative thoughts than positive throughout the day shows you're more of a negative person. Work towards catching any negative thought and reframe to positive. Eventually you'll have more positive thoughts than negative = what I had to do years ago and it's paid off.

You looked at having a moped as a shitty thing. Being almost 30 and single and no job as a negative.

You can bring girls on FUN adventures and easily get to lay with your moped if you do it right. You're almost 30 AND your single, no kids! You have no job - get one. But you can do anything you want.

Top priority is getting a job and you went out, knocked on doors, and have an interview tomorrow. That's fucking great man.

Good luck.

[Ice]

And - see the difference between what I wrote, and what you wrote?

Learn to internalize information more efficiently and concisely - it becomes muscle memory. Understand how you learn. For me it's understanding the mental models of what the person is teaching me first. Then asking for clarity if I don't understand. But you should get to a point where you can recite what I taught you just by listening to me - and by making a few notes.

[tornapathy]

Got a job offer. Now just waiting for everything to clear and all that fun stuff. Not something I really want but we do things out of necessity just as much as wanting.

I had a few things on my mind that day. I was trying to stay focused on the task at hand and trying to make sure I didn't forget everything important.