Developing Self Respect

[Stiegl]

I’m finding that I’m still stuck in an old AFC habit, and it’s that I have no respect for myself and my word. I keep making plans for things I want to do to make myself a better and more interesting person, and I continue to not follow through on them. I feel like don’t have any accountability to myself, I don’t get angry at myself when I fail or I let things slide.

I want to change that. I want to go out and meet new people, I want to go out and join meetup groups, I want to get into better shape, I want to do some cool DHV activities, I want to go to some concerts.

But I just keep letting things slide. When I promise something to someone else, I follow through on it. I don’t want to let them down, and I don’t want to lose face with that person.

But letting myself down, and losing face to myself is something I keep doing. I set SMART goals, and then don’t really work towards them. I keep thinking “it doesn’t matter” or “what’s the point, you won’t achieve it” or “so what, it won’t change anything”. I try to hold myself accountable by giving myself rewards or punishments, but I don’t follow through on those either.

I’ve tried discipline training, but with no one to be accountable to, it slides after a few days.

I don’t have a problem with planning and goals. I have a problem with motivation and self-accountability. I have a problem with not following though on promises to myself.

I want to change this.

Has anyone gone through this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to break through this mental barrier?

[Moiser]

You're acting like a bitch, and you're only fucking yourself over.

If you can't keep yourself accountable, how are you ever going to achieve anything?

Do you want this or not?

[DJNinja]

Confidence in anything comes from repeated exposure to it.

The only way you're going to start experiencing success in this is to go out and do it. Sure, the pain period sucks, but what's worse: dealing with the rejection that happens in one moment, or spending a lifetime not being with a girl and getting laid?

Want to be accountable? Do a 30-day challenge. Open at least 3 sets a day. These must be girls that you would want to fuck. Any time of the day: daygame, nightgame, club game, whatever. As long as you get at least 3 sets in.

Then create an accountability thread. Post to it EVERY DAY so we can keep you accountable. If I can do it, so can you.

[Moiser]

Hey Stiegal,

Here's a link to a similar thread

[Ice]

You accept the behaviour you think you deserve

If you believe you're not good enough, worth less than others, you will accept being less respected

Your belief drives your behaviour.

Your thoughts lead to your words, which lead to your behaviour, which leads to your actions, which leads to your destiny - gandhi

It is your mindset you will need to change.

DJ and Moiser are right - You've got to want this. You will also need to LIVE outside of your comfort zone and try different things to GROW and develop. Through this you will develop self-respect. These things we learned from Bravo. Continue investing yourself by always learning and growing.

Now take some time to consider this.

When you see the person want to be and what it will take to get there -- What does your growth plan consist of?

[Bravo]

Outstanding advice from the purple belts!!!

[Stiegl]

A lot of really good advice here, thanks guys. I think I will start an accountability thread like you suggested.

My personal growth plan is about maturity and becoming a well rounded person. I can’t quite see the end goal because there are things I still don’t understand, but I can see the man I want to become in my next step. That man has life experience, has met a lot of people, has done a bunch of cool things, has developed some cool skills, and has polished interpersonal skills.

These are the things I want to improve on:

-Develop my artistic side. I have never focused much on art and expression and feelings. I have an ability for music, but I never did anything with it. I want to dedicate an hour a day to getting really good at guitar. I want to pick 5 cool songs and learn to play them well within a month, setting SMART goals to achieve them along the way

-Improve my storytelling skills. I’ve never been a natural storyteller. I want to polish these skills, to talk with charisma, to be able to take an ordinary thing that happened and make it into a compelling story that people want to listen to. I want to dedicate an hour a day to this. I’m not sure how to make it into a SMART goal, so I think I will keep this as a time based goal with the purpose of making stories about my life interesting.

-Go to meetups twice a week. I want to go out and meet people. I want to try new activities. I want to bike in the mountains and hike interesting trails. I want to go to concerts and events. I think a goal of going to a meetup by Thursday and then another one by Saturday would be simple enough.

-Get fit. Some recurring injuries have gotten me out of the habit of working out. I need to get back into the habit of working out and cooking healthy every day. I need to set SMART goals to track my progress and motivate me.

As for going out and meeting girls, I am getting dates online and hitting on girls at the bars. The pattern for me seems to be that I do well enough with the average girls, though the 8’s and 9’s bite but don’t stick around. I think that developing myself as a person and developing the confidence that comes with being a well rounded man will go a long way to fixing that.

What do you guys think?

[Valmont]

Think that's a lot of progress in that most recent thread.

It's cool that you may not figure yourself out, but those will helpfully get you there.

In your thread I'd have plans how to make them SMART goals, guitar for an hour is easy enough when you know you'll have free time and can hold yourself accountable. As for HB 8's and 9's that will come from approaching, but to be honest I think it'd help if you just saw them as HBs, lots of people don't use the scale because then they're just attractive HBs that your practising approaching on.

[Moiser]

A lot of really good advice here, thanks guys. I think I will start an accountability thread like you suggested.

My personal growth plan is about maturity and becoming a well rounded person. I can’t quite see the end goal because there are things I still don’t understand, but I can see the man I want to become in my next step. That man has life experience, has met a lot of people, has done a bunch of cool things, has developed some cool skills, and has polished interpersonal skills.

These are the things I want to improve on:

-Develop my artistic side. I have never focused much on art and expression and feelings. I have an ability for music, but I never did anything with it. I want to dedicate an hour a day to getting really good at guitar. I want to pick 5 cool songs and learn to play them well within a month, setting SMART goals to achieve them along the way

-Improve my storytelling skills. I’ve never been a natural storyteller. I want to polish these skills, to talk with charisma, to be able to take an ordinary thing that happened and make it into a compelling story that people want to listen to. I want to dedicate an hour a day to this. I’m not sure how to make it into a SMART goal, so I think I will keep this as a time based goal with the purpose of making stories about my life interesting.

-Go to meetups twice a week. I want to go out and meet people. I want to try new activities. I want to bike in the mountains and hike interesting trails. I want to go to concerts and events. I think a goal of going to a meetup by Thursday and then another one by Saturday would be simple enough.

-Get fit. Some recurring injuries have gotten me out of the habit of working out. I need to get back into the habit of working out and cooking healthy every day. I need to set SMART goals to track my progress and motivate me.

As for going out and meeting girls, I am getting dates online and hitting on girls at the bars. The pattern for me seems to be that I do well enough with the average girls, though the 8’s and 9’s bite but don’t stick around. I think that developing myself as a person and developing the confidence that comes with being a well rounded man will go a long way to fixing that.

What do you guys think?

I like it... in your honest opinion, is the accountability thread going to be enough to make you follow through with what you've committed yourself to?

[Ice]

Many have the best intentions to finish a plan but never do. Most because they are trying to change their behaviour but not 100% committed.

Belief DRIVES behaviour

Your mindset is what needs to change.

What is your plan to expand your mindset?