Syrrah wrote:This happened over a year ago, but I realized I still don't know the best way to handle this.
I met a girl at a free-food picnic that my friends were doing across from my home-away-from-home cafe. We had been eyeing each other for a while before we could get together to chat and get to know each other. When we did, I found out she had always wanted to go dumpster diving, so I set up an insta-date to bike out to the dumpsters that night.
Before we went, though, we headed across the street, and a V-team AFC friend of mine tried to invite himself along. (Yes, this girl was hot. She was the spitting image of a nude model I used to live with.) I told him I'd take him the next night, but he wanted to join b/c of the HB. I eventually got him to shoo, but in the meantime, it dragged my value down, and I wasn't able to escalate with this girl for the rest of the night. The whole thing made me seem desperate to be alone with her, and telegraphed interest sooner than I was ready for.
So, how could I have handled that differently? My friend told me later that he wasn't interested in dumpster diving in the slightest (so he was just trying to steal my target). I had a chat with him about it later, but by then it was too late.
Did you try telling her you dont really hang out with him anymore/not friends (if the case)
Also, not sure that was only thing that stopped you from escalating
How about the fact that dumpster diving isn't sexy?
DJNinja wrote:Not much of a "friend" when he tries to jump on your action and cockblock you the whole night.
If he insisted on coming along, bring him along, then take the high road and LEAD the entire interaction - be the awesome LEADER of your tribe who DHVs well and keeps everyone having fun. You won't be able to escalate and isolate, so seed a Day3 with the HB, then don't tell your "friend" about it, or better yet, unfriend him. You don't need guys like that around you who will drag you down and get in your way to success.
Agreed. He broke the guy code. But he's hopeless with stuff like this, so it's about what you'd expect from him. In any case, I did cut him out of my life when he refused to improve despite all his whining about girls.
But still, it seems like my choices were either 1) Bring him along, and have him drag my value down all night by being awkward and possibly creepy, or 2) Don't bring him, and drag my value down by ditching my friends for the new girl, and also show too much interest before I felt it was time. Isn't there a right answer? Or are situations like this just hopeless sometimes?
Ice wrote:Did you try telling her you dont really hang out with him anymore/not friends (if the case)
Also, not sure that was only thing that stopped you from escalating
How about the fact that dumpster diving isn't sexy?
Could maybe go back to your place to shower?
It wasn't the case at the time. He was my workout buddy, and part of my social circle.
I wouldn't call that a fact. We're dealing with punk subculture here. It's a turn off for most girls, but it's a hell of an adventure for others. I've k-closed on dumpster missions with punk girls before. The book dumpster and the metal dumpster are particular favorites.
I'm planning on doing a make-over to my room. Only thing I have on the wall right now is a Pulp Fiction Canvas Painting. Any suggestions on what to add?(I have two big white walls that are empty) It just looks so plain(was thinking on adding a map and having pins on all the places I've visited).
Ice wrote:Did you try telling her you dont really hang out with him anymore/not friends (if the case)
Also, not sure that was only thing that stopped you from escalating
How about the fact that dumpster diving isn't sexy?
Could maybe go back to your place to shower?
It wasn't the case at the time. He was my workout buddy, and part of my social circle.
I wouldn't call that a fact. We're dealing with punk subculture here. It's a turn off for most girls, but it's a hell of an adventure for others. I've k-closed on dumpster missions with punk girls before. The book dumpster and the metal dumpster are particular favorites.
Not going to get into debate whether dumpster diving is sexy
Know people do it to survive and have to - which I don't knock
You've asked for my thoughts and I don't think dumpster diving is sexy
Even if it is sexy in some culture, then it shouldn't have stopped you from escalating
Sounds like you broke your frame after your buddy came by
Didn't give us much about what happened after friend left so to comment much more is like shooting with blindfolds
Noa wrote:I'm planning on doing a make-over to my room. Only thing I have on the wall right now is a Pulp Fiction Canvas Painting. Any suggestions on what to add?(I have two big white walls that are empty) It just looks so plain(was thinking on adding a map and having pins on all the places I've visited).
Btw all my walls are painted white.
Think about posting pics of your room on the forum and getting thoughts
Not including the $$ I'm using to buy paint and the materials to fix up some parts of my room, looking into putting at most $120. I want to keep it simple, but exciting.
Ice wrote:Not going to get into debate whether dumpster diving is sexy
Know people do it to survive and have to - which I don't knock
You've asked for my thoughts and I don't think dumpster diving is sexy
Even if it is sexy in some culture, then it shouldn't have stopped you from escalating
Sounds like you broke your frame after your buddy came by
Didn't give us much about what happened after friend left so to comment much more is like shooting with blindfolds
Agreed. It's been at least a year and a half since this happened. I was just remembering it before I logged on, and wondered what I would do if I had a friend try to invite themselves along into isolation before I had escalated/SOI'd.
When do you guys SOI? My game has been modeled after Juggler Method, where you bait them to reveal their personality, and then appreciate that about them... but it seems like an earlier and stronger SOI would have either 1) Escalated enough that it was "on" between us, and then I could have brushed my friend off easier without seeming desperate, or 2) Gotten me blown out of set. I never even got a k-close out of this, so maybe just getting blown out would have been better. I really don't get myself rejected enough to be successful.
So I guess the question here is: When do you guys know it's time to SOI, and what do you say to do it?
