Deep Fried Turkey

[Whiz Kid]

Thanksgiving is around the corner and I've deep fried birds for 10 years now.

Here's Alton Browns Recipe

Deep-Fried Turkey
Ingredients

6 quarts hot water
1 pound kosher salt
1 pound dark brown sugar
5 pounds ice
1 (13 to 14-pound) turkey, with giblets removed
Approximately 4 to 4 1/2 gallons peanut oil*
*Cook's Note: In order to determine the correct amount of oil, place the turkey into the pot that you will be frying it in, add water just until it barely covers the top of the turkey and is at least 4 to 5 inches below the top of the pot. This will be the amount of oil you use for frying the turkey.

Directions

Place the hot water, kosher salt and brown sugar into a 5-gallon upright drink cooler and stir until the salt and sugar dissolve completely. Add the ice and stir until the mixture is cool. Gently lower the turkey into the container. If necessary, weigh down the bird to ensure that it is fully immersed in the brine. Cover and set in a cool dry place for 8 to 16 hours.

Remove the turkey from the brine, rinse and pat dry. Allow to sit at room temperature for at least 30 minutes prior to cooking.

Place the oil into a 28 to 30-quart pot and set over high heat on an outside propane burner with a sturdy structure. Bring the temperature of the oil to 250 degrees F. Once the temperature has reached 250, slowly lower the bird into the oil and bring the temperature to 350 degrees F. Once it has reached 350, lower the heat in order to maintain 350 degrees F. After 35 minutes, check the temperature of the turkey using a probe thermometer. Once the breast reaches 151 degrees F, gently remove from the oil and allow to rest for a minimum of 30 minutes prior to carving. The bird will reach an internal temperature of 161 degrees F due to carry over cooking. Carve as desired.



This is the way I like to deep fry a turkey.

Ingredients:

Bourbon
Butter
Chunky peanut oil that you forgot to filter out the last time
Tabasco

Directions, Please follow very closely for best results.

Drink a shot of bourbon.

Melt the butter in a microwave, causing a huge mess that someone else cleans up.

Pour a shot of bourbon into cook. Mix a bunch of tobasco or Pete's Red hot into your melted pound of butter.

Using a big ass syringe, inject the turkey with the butter and hot sauce.

Forget to thaw out the turkey, in a panic, try to thaw out the bird using a hair dryer, microwave and hot tub.

Inject some whiskey into chef.

Use a saw-zaw attempt to cut the turkey in half to facilitate the thawing of bird.

Cuss.

Switch to tequila.

Finally get the turkey thawed enough to inject with butter marinade.

Drink something called a Mexican martini that Lezbo fermented up. Gag. Drink another. Gag again. Chase with bourbon.

Take the turkey to the garage where the fryer is.

Drop half of a saw-zawed turkey on the concrete.

Play tug of half a turkey war with the dog.

Put half of a saw-zawed turkey and one quarter of half dog eaten turkey in the fryer basket.

Drink booze, bourbon/tequila/Mexican martini, who gives a fuck.

Drop fryer basket full of 3/4 of a half thawed turkey into too hot and too much oil.

Burn the holy bejeezes out of your arms and feet.

Watch the hot oil overflow onto the slick concrete of the garage floor.

Slip and slam your head on the ground.

Have your dog lick your face.

Cry just a bit. Crawl over to the beer fridge. Open and drink.

Watch the oil on the floor catch on fire.

Panic.

Search in vain for the fire extinguisher you never bought.

Watch Lezbo panic.

Laugh.

Take a long pull of beer.

Decide to put the fire out before the house burns down.

Watch the dog panic.

Laugh.

Start singing a drinking shanty.

Grab a bag of ice melt and douse the fire with it.

Slip and bust your ass.

Enjoy Lezbo's laughter.

Keep your beer upright and not spill any.

Drink some.

Go out to the back yard and chain smoke.

Drink shots and chase it with a mixed drink.

Forget about the frying turkey.

Watch your oil soaked dog roll around in the dirt.

Listen to Lezbo's latest conquest.

Remember the frying turkey.

Panic.

Sprint to the garage.

Pull a hammy.

Shut off the propane tank. Take the lid off the fryer pot.

Burn the bejeezes out of your hand.

Drink.

Peer inside the pot to see a the cremated horror that could have been.

Laugh. Watch Lezbo laugh. Give her a huge hug.

Drink Thanksgiving dinner.

Have leftovers.



Again, please follow the above directions for the best results.

[Bravo]

[Whiz Kid]

Great video!!

On a wooden deck??? WTF??

lmao

[Whiz Kid]

This shit is funny and it took me 10 minutes to write it!

Read it!!!


I need the internet validation ...

[DJNinja]

My phone is being a lil bitch and not letting me watch Bravo's video, so I am bookmarking it with this post so i watch it tomorrow on a PC

Field testing your recipe Wednesday, will let you know how good it tastes or how fucked up we get