Tagged: why are you doing this

So what is your motivation?

Many times while you are on your PUA journey, you may think about throwing in the towel. That it is too difficult to keep dealing with rejection or maybe even worse, settling for someone because you want to take the easy road out.

Some of the guys I went out with seriously contemplated quitting many times, some acted like quitting was the LAST thing they would ever do, they talked a big game and were here for the long haul no matter what. Then slowly they would get busy and I wouldn’t hear from them. While a few just flat out quit right when we started and dropped off the face of the earth never to be heard from or seen again…

Being the head coach for Stylelife and running the forum for the last few years, weekly I would receive private messages or emails from new guys all telling me to “keep an eye on me, because soon people will mention my name when they talk about Bravo, Style, and Mystery!” I knew that within a few weeks they would slowly disappear, many times that PM was as far as they would go.

I get asked from students all the time, “what kept you motivated when you thought about quitting?

The truth, I never thought about quitting.

The motivation I had to learn the PUA arts was SO powerful that quitting not only wasn’t an option, it was never even a thought.

Now I will admit, maybe my motivation wasn’t the most positive, but it was strong. So strong that it helped force me to go out multiple times a week to all the places I hated (or thought I hated) and test all the stuff I had little faith in.

What was my original motivation?

SPITE

I just KNEW that one day I would run into my X, maybe at the grocery store, or the bar, or where ever, and it was my goal to make sure that when that day happened she would see me looking awesome, surrounded by women and realize that she had fucked up!

Funny thing is, that day never happened.

Actually I still have not seen her again since things officially ended.

“Success breeds confidence” – Beryl Markham (first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic)

Only a few months into my journey, the spite slowly faded away and was replaced with confidence.

I  KNEW what I was doing was working, I was getting girls I thought I never had a shot with. They were wanting to go out with me, date me, and sleep with me. Once I got to that place, that was all the motivation I needed!

As soon as those successes started stacking up, I didn’t have to search for something to motivate me anymore. I knew that each night I went out something awesome would happen and that was all I needed.

Soon my “spite game” was gone, but what I truly believe what made it so powerful was because it wasn’t just a general reason like we hear all the time.

  • improve my life
  • get a girlfriend
  • become more social

It was a specific reason, something that I could zero in on if any seeds of doubt entered my head.

So I want you to think about this, what is your motivation? Why are you learning this?

You can still have the general reasons everyone lists, but really focus and pick one specific thing that is motivating you to learn some PUA skills.

Make it a good one, because when you get shot down for the one hundredth time and are wondering if this is all worth it, hope that what motivates you right now is strong enough to overcome the doubt.

Otherwise you are just wasting your time.

And like I always say, as a guy who went from the bottom to the top of the ladder, the juice is worth the squeeze.