Category: The Funny

How to handle flakes

One of the most misunderstood and most difficult to overcome sticking points for new guys.



The fear of the approach is so powerful, that it quickly filters out the guys who aren’t committed to learning this stuff. But new guys who have very little experience getting numbers and getting dates start encountering “flakes” and their resolve and self confidence can get a bit shaky. Lucky for you, I am going to break this down so you can instantly understand what is going on…and you don’t have to spend a year trying to figure this out on your own (like I did back in 2006 which ultimately lead to the Bravo Number Close)

Guys (and AFC me) have so much trouble trying to understand this because we are still viewing the world thru AFC glasses, and have a distorted view on is actually going on.

The most important and first thing you need to understand is=


A reschedule is different than a flake



“Hey, something came up and I have to stay late at work tonight so I can’t meet you for a drink, can we hang out tomorrow?”

That COULD be a 100% legit excuse!mans since she is offering a reschedule date, that conveys that she WANTS to see you.

If she’s doesn’t offer a hard date and is more general with something like “maybe next week” then you should try to lock it down. If she is wishy washy on setting a time then respond back like a confident guy would with, “cool, well let me know when you are free and we can do something then  :)”

That way the ball is in her court, incase she IS wanting to see you, the door is still open and her getting back to you is her giving you a big GREEN LIGHT. This also saves time my time because I don’t think about her or the date again until she contacts me, and it prevents AFCs from contacting her too much and looking creepy. It also conveys that I am a man with other options.

When dealing with a legit reschedule, I give her 1 chance at another time. If she wants to see me, she will find away. If she is on the fence just trying to “politely” blow me off (wasting a guys time and giving him false hope isn’t the polite way ladies. This is a good example of woman logic. If she doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions. It doesn’t exist). Now there are always exceptions to the rules and one girl who is a nurse and was on call had to reschedule a few dates, and because I was attracted to her, I let it slide. I did however let it be known that any time that happened, she had to figure out a way to make it up to me…and she always did! 😉


Now a TRUE flake=  a chick blows you off, stands you up, leaves you hanging= fuck her.


Back in my AFC days, a flake would get me worried. (me being the super nice guy that I was)

  • She was digging me…and she wouldn’t do this, she’s not that type of girl….so something clearly happened…I wonder if she got into a car accident or something.
  • Is she OK?
  • I need to know.
  • Maybe she’s lost.
  • I better call her again.
  • No answer.
  • I better call her again.
  • Shit. No answer.
  • I’ll know, I’ll text letting her know it’s OK to blow me off!
  • “If you don’t want to go out with me that’s cool, I just want to make sure you are OK. Just text me so I know. Either way I wish you all the best. :)”

What a giant fucking pussy….that was still painful to just type out….too bad I am not the only one who knows that pain.

Why would you wish a person who just conveyed to you, that you aren’t even worth a few seconds of their time, the best.


Fuck them


Fuck them


Fuuuuuuuuuuuck them!!!



AFC think like this

Not adults who value their time!

Not MEN!

Our time is our most valuable asset, fuck anyone who wastes mine! (especially whoever invented the fucking automated telemarketer)

Just like fuckers on craigslist who never come by, and don’t call/text/email you saying they changed their mind and leave you waiting around the house for an hour waiting for them.

Fuck them! (got it?)

Bottom line.

If you built SOLID attraction, she wouldn’t flake on you.


example time-

Who do you think is the hottest chick in the world?

Megan Fox

Prime Angeline Jolie

Jessica Alba

Or maybe some dirty porn chick.

Whoever she is, it doesn’t matter. The analogy will work. For the sake of the story I’m going to use Natalie Portman.

To help with story
To help with story

Let’s say you bump into her in your home town. You approached her (because you decided FUCK IT and took a shot like a Boss) clicked and go for the number close.

“I actually don’t even have a phone right now. It got hacked and I’m going over to japan for a month for a movie. But give me your number and I PROMISE that I will call you when I get back and we will have a date”

What would you do?

Of course you’d give it to her!!

So a month goes by, you tell all of your friends about it, and as 30 days draw closer you start getting excited.

Every time the phone rings you get excited, only to look at the caller ID and see its work, or even worse. Mom.

A few weeks go by

A month or 2

4 months go by and you’ve finally accepted that she isn’t calling, none of your friends believe you and you are so bummed, you don’t even jack to her anymore.

Then the phone rings and it’s some weird number.


“Hey……Stephen? It’s Natalie. I’m not sure if you remember me…”

“Natalie, of course I remember you…… what happened?”

“I am SOOOO sorry. I put your number in my purse, it got packed up, I looked for it everywhere, and I JUST found it and called you right away.

I really want to see you….if you still do?”

– of course we want to

“I’m in town this weekend, I have a suite at the Ritz and was wondering if you would want to come over, we can get room service and enjoy the hot tub that is in my room?”

– of course what would you say???


But, you have to work?

So what would you do?

Take time off? Call in sick? What if they won’t let you… quit your job?

What if it is your mom’s 60th birthday that weekend?

“Sorry mom. I’m sick. Cough cough. I can’t make it.”

Or are you cool enough with your mom-

“Hey mom, just got off the phone with Natalie Portman, we are hanging out this weekend, she’s in town, and we are hot tubbing, cool if I raincheck the bday?”

“Sure thing! Good luck Steve, wear a rubber, pretty sure she banged Russell Brand.”

“Shit, good memory, Thanks mom!”

Now why would I blow off mom’ bday for a chick that I don’t really know, and left my hanging for months?

Because she Natalie Fucking Portman, that’s why!!!!!!!!

She has SO much value (in my head), social proof, is hot, rich, basically she has +5000 attraction in my mind.

So if the girl you number closed last week only has +10 attraction in YOU, she might flake for any reason. If someone else comes along who rolls a +200 attraction, you get downgraded to a +2 and get blown off. Or since you only worked flash game, had a +200, but a day later, after she had time to think about things, and decided she didn’t like the pink boa as much as she thought….and the alien high five was more gay than cool, then that +200 turns into a -500 and her and her friends sit around making fun of you.


How do you fix this and prevent flakes?


By running solid game, that connects on a deeper level, that isn’t just flash game, and striking while the iron is hot ( locking in day 2 plans THEN, not days later).

Do that, and your flakes will basically disappear and reschedules rarely, if EVER happen. If they keep happening, then you aren’t running solid game.

I don’t even worry about flakes now. If a girl does flake, then that is her demonstrating her mindset (which clearly is not one I want to be around) that she clearly has bad taste (by not making the time to hang out with an awesome guy like me), or the third reason a chick will flake.

An emergency  actually came up and she couldn’t reschedule with me.

If that happens, then when she does reach out to me later, I have to hear a good excuse, believe her apology, and accept whatever offer she is making to “make it up to me”. If I’m not satisfied with all of those, then her ship has sailed.

Lastly, a simple way to prevent those AFC thoughts from ever building up is to have a texting relationship with her already established. So when she is getting ready to leave she texts to let you know. Maybe she texts you because you have to let her into the building from outside, or for any other reason you can think of. That way if she doesn’t text before your date, you already know and aren’t left swinging in the wind.




The fattest fuck in the world can get a girl, why can’t you?

Not only does he have a GF, but she asked HIM to marry HER!


Paul Mason – once the world’s fattest man at 70st – has got engaged after his girlfriend popped the question.

Paul, 53, from Ipswich, Suffolk, immediately said “yes” to 8st Rebecca Mountain, 40, on ABC’s The View TV programme in America.

Ex postie Paul, now 22st, vowed to lose more weight. He said: “I don’t want to go down that aisle in a wheelchair.”



You jelly?














If you suck with chicks and this doesn’t piss you off, IT SHOULD!!!

I blogged before about SPITE, and how it motivated me.

Many times while out in field on 1on1’s, my student would see a “douche” with a hottie and get pissed off.

I remember when I was in AFC-land, and would feel the same thing.

“why is she with that loser, why isn’t she with ME!”

Once you start leveling up you begin to understand that SHE doesn’t think he is a douche.

She thinks:




And, to make it even worse, you are also lazy because you don’t want to work on improving yourself, you just want-

“Someone to love me for ME”

Well guess what, either the real you SUCKS, or you do a shitty job at conveying the real you.

Either way, you are fucked.

Luckily, you can improve yourself in both of these areas, and if you really commit to change and bust your ass, not only will you get good with women, but….something awesome happens.

When you see some scrawny dork with a hottie, some fat tub like this SOB with a chick, or some guy who looks like Sloth from Goonies pulling some hot tail…you are happy for them.


Once you shift from the scarcity/ pussy poverty mindset into a pussy abundance mindset, seeing another guy with a pretty girl, having fun together= is a cool thing.

If anyone would have told me that I would think that years ago…no way I would have believed them, but it’s true.

So if you are already slacking on making 2014 your bitch, ME and The Bravohood are here to help.

If this fat fuck can get a chick, anyone can.



Project X with Bravo – Film

Since my divorce in 2005 I have been working on improving my life, especially on connecting with others, primarily women 😉 .

Since starting 3 years ago, I have learned more about teaching than all the previous years I was teaching Pick Up and Shooting, Knife Fighting, and Close Quarter Combat  (since 2000) combined!

I’ve kept my PRIVATE “bootcamp” event PROJECT X off the PUA radar, because I wasn’t sure it would even work.

Living together with students, spending every hour with them for days downloading as much info as I can…hell I wasn’t even sure if they were going to like what I was teaching let alone if it would blow up in my face.

PROJECT X, where I hand select the guys who can attend from an inbox full of applicants and invite them to Arizona so we can all work together and leave with memories and knowledge that will last a life.

At the end of the first one, something awesome happened. We were all brothers at the end.

The BROTHERHOOD was something I was hoping might happen, but never dreamed it would develop into anything as awesome as it did.

Guys were loving their newfound PUA skills, texting me in the middle of the night about some crazy adventure they just were on, guys were travelling across the world to hang out with their PX brothers- INCLUDING ME!

Well during the last one- PX4, I had Cinema come out and film some of it for you guys, so you can get a better idea about me, what I am about, what and how I teach, how those who attend can be transformed, and the bonding we all experience at PROJECT X.

It is my HUGE fucking honor to show you this short film and let you know that now, after 3+ years, I have trained enough Coaches and Jr. Coaches to MY INSANELY HIGH STANDARD that we can now offer PROJECT X more often and accept more applicants!

So check out this video and let me know what you think.



I showed my mom this video and she didn’t like all the cussing and I don’t think she was fond of the student making out with a chick at the bar….

My dad asked me a while ago why don’t I advertise with “teaching nice guys how to meet nice women….or something like that” and I don’t think has ever believed what I do is a real job

but after watching this he said it was great and was  proud of me

so be careful, from those two reactions, this will either finally make you love me or make you feel like I am an even bigger disappointment than before and you still can’t understand why I put so much of my life on the “interweb”



If you are ready to change your life, go to PROJECT X to apply and hopefully I will see you there.

The BEST Halloween prank video I have seen

A buddy of mine just posted this on Facebook


Most videos I see on YouTube make me feel like the human race is doomed. Even  “funny” ones can’t even get me to crack a smile (because my sense of humor is roughly 385% higher than the average person)


But this video is awesome!


Instead of jumping out and trying to scare someone like every other video, this one is creepy without a sudden movement, or any movement at all, and it only takes a second or two before it elicits a response.




As soon as I saw it I had to share it with you guys.

My very first job was at a Haunted House, and there was a guy who would stand by the door in full makeup and not move for minutes. As the line kept moving, eventually new people would be staring at him trying to figure out if he was real or not….most of the time he didn’t break- and I thought that was the fucking coolest move!

-Sometimes less is more


Anyways, Happy Halloween!


-new blog post coming soon

2 lessons from dirty homeless people – that can help your game

“Holy shit, I just had to call someone and share this, I am stuck in traffic on Fairfax and there is some fat homeless lady SHITTING in the gutter!”


“Well….welcome to LA!”


Anyone who has been stuck in LA traffic knows how insane it is- and just so you guys can fully appreciate it, here is a vid I took years ago where a handicapped dude with a wonked up leg, gets around faster than me in my truck!



Now that you know clearly how bad it is, this intersection is even worse, 3 lights later and I haven’t moved an inch.

So when she pulled down her filthy purple sweat pants and just started shitting away next to the CVS, I was stuck there for all of it’s glory.


As she started taking care of business, I looked around at all of the people who were also witnessing this horrible, HORRIBLE sight, and to see their reactions. (I at least wanted to get something good out of this!)

People in the cars around me either didn’t even see it (great level of awareness) or they pretended like they didn’t.

Just then a small group exited the CVS and turned left, heading right towards her……finally something good was going to come of this, the guys and the girl would see it and FREAK OUT resulting in lulz


….at least I imagined they would


Slowly they got closer….and closer…UNTIL


The girl moved her head a few inches to her right….then shot it straight forward again as they walked past her.





As soon as they got a few steps past the mad shitter, I saw her elbow the guy on the left, her eyes grow large and she mouthed the words


They all looked over their shoulder for a second, turned around, exchanged a few words, but didn’t look back and didn’t stop walking.


So now one of the most horrible and disgusting sites I have ever witnessed in my life, only garnered a look and an elbow, thus resulting in me calling my friend to share it with her.


Afterwards it got me thinking, one of the BIGGEST fears guys have when approaching chicks is-




  • What if people are watching me hit on her?
  • What if I get rejected in front of people?
  • What if they hear what I say?
  • etc.

Well here is some news for you


The dirty homeles lady TAKING A SHIT proved this!
There she was, shitting for the whole world to see and













Guess what, you know how you (currently or use to) walk around in your own bubble, with your head down, missing most of what goes on in the world,  and worrying about everyone else judging you…


and the people who don’t, don’t give a fuck about you, and they sure as fuck don’t give a shit about you walking over to a girl and hitting on her!




So lesson #1 is




Next up is the fear of rejection


When was the last time a dirty bum hit you up for some spare change?

How many times has this happened in your whole life?

(hard to remember isn’t it?)


I have gotten pretty good with my serious face throughout the years, homeless people usually know better than to ask me. I also really HATE it when those fuckers hit me up.

Ya let me GIVE you some of my money, that I worked hard for, so you can go eat, or more likely, go get some drugs- FOR FREE!!!



(but I will be honest, the last one who hit me up outside the UPS store had a dog and got 75 cents from me, using the sympathy pet card…well played you dirty bearded fuck…well played)


If a bum had AA or was scared of being rejected, he wouldn’t be able to eat, or score!

I usually just ignore them, but man have I heard some HORRIBLE shit said to them in my life!

So I have rejected, or flat out ignored more bums than I could even guess, but seconds later when I get in my car, I don’t give them a second thought.

EVEN if I did, all day, until I was in bed that night looking up at the ceiling, shaking a fist and screaming




it would have 0% effect on him and the rest of his life

I guarantee he has already forgotten about it, so the only place that it would “live on” is in my mind.

-and back to lesson #1, even if someone else saw it, they wouldn’t care either.


Just like us walking out of the grocery store, and we see the homeless guy start to snap into action, we kick into autopilot mode and deal with it and either blow him off, make an excuse, ignore him, or give him something.

EVERY other homeless guy before him has helped program our reaction.

So lets flip it, you approach some hottie and she blows you off.

  • EVERY other guy who has approached her had a hand her her reaction to you, so don’t take it personally.
  • 2nd, if she does blow you out, seconds later she has ALREADY FORGOTTEN about you and isn’t giving you a 2nd thought, so why are you?
  • 3rd even if she DID, all that night she kept fuming over the guy who talked to her and asked her about her opinion on something, she went home and took off her push up bra and fake eyelashes, and was looking in the mirror with bloodshot eyes full of anger towards you- you would’t even know and it has 0% effect on you.

So lesson #2 is


-IF you let it

The Bravohood hits 1000 members!!!





I remember when I first set up this site as just a blog, really so I could stay in touch with many of the guys who enjoyed my posts and writing.


Then one of them posted as a comment that I should add a forum

The truth is I REALLY wanted to create my own forum and FINALLY be able to run it MY WAY




I didn’t want to make one and have it be a ghost town.

One of the first things I do when researching someone / trying to figure out if PUA coach is solid – is check out their website.

A cool set up and flashy pages can just mean that they suckered a computer intern into designing something for them, but the forum never lies.

  • How active is it?
  • Does the guy who’s name is on the website post there?
  • Are their posts actually cool/funny/helpful or just shitty marketing?
  • How are the rest of the members? Helpful or just frustrated keyboard jockeys
  • Is there an easy way to instantly tell who the advanced guys are?
  • Is the forum COOL?

So when I set up MY forum- THE BRAVOHOOD I tried my best to address each of these, and it seems like many of you guys dig it…well at least 999 of you.



I was blown away when we hit 300, then 500….now 1000

Thank you guys, and here is to the next 1000

If your marriage is failing, clean your vag

The same stuff the bowling alley uses on dirty shoes, can save your marriage!

(well to be fair they use that generic shit)


I love these old ads-



A man marries a woman because he loves her. So, instead of blaming him if married love begins to cool, she should question herself. Is she truly trying to keep her husband and herself eager, happily married lovers?

I like this way of thinking!


The same shit I spray in the trashcan, docs were telling chicks to squirt inside their vag!


…how come I never see this stuff on MAD MEN?

Worst DHV ever

DHV stands for Demonstration of Higher Value


A DHV is more than just a magic trick or a routine, while those can be DHVs (if done smoothly at the right time) many guys forget about the DHVs that are working for you every second, before you are even around a girl. eg. body posture, vocal projection, vocal tonality, body language, eye contact, fashion, hair, your teeth…(only listed a few that can be worked on pretty easily) If you don’t have those taken care of, then you are DLVing (Demonstrating Lower Value).

For some reason guys don’t want to work on those, they want to learn how to make a watch stop or how to CUBE a chick first…and IMO that is bad.


These last two weeks I have been discussing DHVs for hours and hours with students on my coaching calls. Many guys have an idea of what a DHV is, but are trying to force them WAY to hard to make it work effectively.  The other big issue is that while it might be a great DHV, but not for the reasons you think, so all of the high points they are trying to hit are way off the mark and it ends up almost doing more harm than good…


So what I thought would be cool to try for this post, in the comments below write out a few DHVs and give an example of how you use them or incorporate them into your PUA toolbox.


Next blog post I will give an example of how I DHV and how it does several awesome things all at the same time. (might have to make it a audio/video to convey what I need) and also give some feedback on the ones you guys list. I will also be actively commenting back giving more feedback and tips (unlike almost every other PUA who for some reason hate writing and posting on their OWN site??? WTF)


But I wanted to share this….I get asked some crazy fucking stuff….and as long as you guys are trying to improve I am always happy to help as much as I can.


Proof= my FREE Flashchats on my forum where you can ask some of the solid guys on my site for help for FREE


Well this actually came up in an OLD flashchat and I saved it, because it might be the WORST DHV I have ever heard!



[Mxxxxxxx] 5:38 pm: You’ve read the Da Vinci Code, right? I grew up in an Opus Dei environment and received the most warped sex education. I thought children were created through a “special embrace”. I had no idea what this “special embrace” was, but I was told that you can also get AIDS from it. I sadly resigned to the fact that I will marry someone special for who she is even if I don’t ever have sex with her because I didn’t want to get


[Mxxxxxxx] 5:39 pm: Anyway it’s Filipino custom to greet relatives and close friends with a kiss on the cheek LIKE THIS (demonstrate kiss on cheek) and I had this Uncle who always held my head like THIS and gave me a big beardy wet kiss RIGHT on the LIPS. It was like in slow motion everytime he’d go in for the kiss as I winced in helplessness. I panicked that I might be getting AIDS from my uncle. No tongue, just so you know.

[Mxxxxxxx] 5:39 pm: Anyway, my eyes were eventually opened and to this day I am AIDS-free, but that does not mean I still let my uncle plant a wet one on me.



So that is a pretty good example of how trying to convey to a chick that you are healthy and STD free (while a good thing) and trying to kino, if done poorly can do hurt more than help.


It also goes against one of my rules about bringing up AIDS within a few minutes after meeting someone (rape also falls into that category)


But better to find this out on an anonymous FREE forum where guys are here to help you…than to crash and burn with a hottie




OK comment below and lets try and make your DHVs kick ass!

Change your perspective

If I woke up early this morning, and was stumbling to the bathroom to piss and stepped in cat shit it would make my day. Actually if I stepped in cat shit, slipped and fell into it, I would be fucking ECSTATIC!

-I was telling this to my friend last week and she started laughing and it inspired me to write this.



So why the hell would I be happy if I stepped in Kali’s shit?

Just a few weeks ago I was cleaning out her litter box, and was frustrated that I couldn’t use the $200 self cleaning litter box I bought awhile ago, it doesn’t fit at my new place. As I am scooping it I was thinking how sick and tired I am of cleaning this damn thing out.


Then Kali got sick


Real sick


Around 2 grand and a week later, all I know is she skin and bones and every time I looked at her I had to check if she was even breathing.

They put in a feeding tube and every few hours I had to squirt food thru it, not fun….

A week of that and she still isn’t doing better. I have never had a pet that was my own before. I am not even a fucking cat guy, my x-wife wanted one and I rescued her and ended up keeping her for the next 7 years. I have also never had a pet die on me, so was planning how to deal with everything if she didn’t make it and where I might bury her.

After an x-ray and more tests (goodbye $$) they decided to move her feeding tube a little higher up.


So by now it has been over a week since she has even taken a dump. Every morning I checked her litter box hoping to find one


All it took was a few weeks and I went from hating cleaning out her box, to feeling like a kid at Christmas hoping the box I was opening was the present I had been dreaming about! Then I even got to the point where I was hoping she had an accident somewhere in my place, and all of us with pets know the WORST way to find those is by stepping in them!

It’s almost like pets pull that shit on purpose. They don’t go and puke, piss, or shit over on the tile or vinyl floor, where we could clean it up with a few paper towels and then a once over with some cleaner,  they do it right in the middle of the room on the carpet, like a big FUCK YOU, this is YOUR FAULT! Or better yet, they do it right in our normal walkways so we step in it, always at the worst time, usually running late for something…


But even if any of those things happened, it would have made my day! Because I would have known her how digestive system was starting to work again, which was one of the signs we were waiting for to see if she was going to pull thru.


….think that is enough talk about shit, but that got me thinking


It is all our perspective, if we don’t like something change it.


I didn’t need this to happen to appreciate that Kali was healthy and alive, but it is crazy how one change and all of the sudden something we hated, we are looking forward to.


Another example of this, one of my buddies sent me a picture of him with a girl he starting hanging out with, and when I say hanging out I meant spending some time with and fucking. He is older, she is younger and pretty smoking.

He emailed me a pic and added-

Shit, I feel like I’m getting OLD!

Look at this photo–she looks young and beautiful.

I look fucking old.

Tell me it’s not that bad.

My response was-

all I see is a fucking pimp with a hot young chick!!!


A student I just did a coaching call with was emailing me, all of his friends were hooking up with chicks he opened that night. Of course he was pissed off and I told him he needs to have a heart to heart with his “friends” after to make sure they don’t do that shit again. BUT I did have to point out that he was responsible for everyone having fun that night, and all of his friends riding HIS COAT TAILS, not too bad and pretty cool progress in the big picture! (and once he fixes the dickhole friends angle, then should be awesome)


The only thing we have true control of in this entire world is ourselves and how we react to outside stimuli. So if you don’t like something, change the way you look at it.


One of the biggest examples of this are new guys who get into Pick Up. The want to be hooking up with hotties and strippers after a week or two. When they aren’t, they get pissed and frustrated. They always want to compare themselves to other people, guys on the forum, or guys they read about in a book.




This never was a problem for me, I think from my martial arts training and tactical training I learned how to live in the moment. During force on force gun training, me thinking about what might happen a room or two from now divided my focus, and made me perform less effectively in my current training scenario (eg. hostage rescue) and because we were using sims or paintballs, if I wasn’t on point I would get shot. Getting shot hurts, so you learn very quickly to focus to avoid the pain.


I understand that most of you haven’t been in situations like that, but you can still understand the principle behind it. If you are jamming out on a guitar with your buddies, are you thinking about what you MIGHT be playing 5 mins from now, no you are playing music now and trying to make it sound good.

Just like painting, you want to think about the final product, but you should be focusing as much as you can on your next brush stroke, THAT is the one that matters RIGHT NOW, not the one 15 mins later.


Focusing on the negative, worrying about the future, not making the most of what is going on right now is killing you.

If you are you need to shift your perspective, instead of thinking “I talked to 20 chicks tonight and didn’t get to SNL any of them” you should be thinking -WOW I went out and talked to 20 new people, had fun, and might make some cool contacts out of them for later. I wouldn’t have been able to do that a few months ago!!”


Appreciate the small things, appreciate the things you take for granted, appreciate even the things that annoy you.

One day you might be missing them…



-and Kali update

she has had her feeding tube taken out yesterday by the vet, is putting on weight, and eating a ton


she has also taken the biggest turds I have ever seen from her, and it put a giant smile on my face!