Some of you guys might have heard me say this already, or post about it online.
My life is dope, and I do dope shit -Kanye West
I can’t stand Kanye, but damn if that isn’t a great mindset! (it’s from a Dave Chappelle interview which I will embed below)
This is our motto for 2017.
BE DOPE AND DO DOPE SHIT
What if you only had this next year to live, how would you plan it out differently? What are the things you have been wanting to do, but have been putting off? What have you been DREAMING about doing…someday? (If you want some advice RIGHT now, post them below as a comment and I will help you)
What if you only had 6 months left?
1 month…1 week?
How would you start MAKING those dreams your new reality?
I did it, and here is a vid I shot just a little bit ago explaining it more in depth
We all have wasted our time on activities that didn’t deserve it. At jobs we hated, on people who didn’t add value to our lives, or even just on negative thinking.
If you are sick and tired of doing all of those things, and instead want to level up and want to learn some of the secrets that helped me after hitting my lowest, stay tuned.
DOPE SHIT IS COMING!!!
Here is the Kanye vid. The part I am talking about starts around the 4 min mark.
I remember the first time I heard “JUST BE YOURSELF” and thought=
What the fuck does that even mean? I AM being myself, isn’t EVERYONE being themselves?
Even worse, it was said by a beautiful girl and when I asked her to break that down, she just repeated it again, in a more girly voice. (think legally blonde)
I then dismissed it thinking it was shitty and pointless advice that was no help to me.
Throughout the years I heard this again and again, or variations of it, and each time I would think how dumb and pointless this advice was….
But does that actually mean it is shitty advice?
OR is the problem twofold
Women who I heard this from weren’t able to logically break down what they are EMOTIONALLY attracted to in men and what this actually means at a root level.
I was not in a head space yet where I could understand what this piece of GOLD actually meant!
Being “yourself” is an evolving and ever changing reality. I am still ME 20 years after hearing this, I am just an older, wiser, tougher, better looking, and more confident version of myself now. 😀
My favorite analogy on improving yourself and being TRUE to who you are is think about it like a CAR.
Some guys want to just get a girl and do 0% work on improving themselves. This is like trying to sell your car AS IS. Unless you have been taking care of it for all of these years…it won’t get you a lot of money for it.
Now imagine investing a day on improving your ride. You wash it, vacuum it out, and take some really good pictures before posting it online This helps you justify asking for more money for it.
Now imagine if you waxed it, steam cleaned the upholstery and motor, recently put new tires on it, got every service documented and done at the factory auto shop and had the paperwork to prove it. You didn’t just do this to sell it, you actually did this ALL THE TIME because you care about your car, you could justify asking WAY more money for it!
So let’s say this is your car, a 70’s CUDA (one of the coolest cars ever)!
The paint has worn off, the tires don’t match, the grill is missing and so is a headlight, and it actually doesn’t even run. Some people would still be happy buying this car as is, but only a very small segment of the population.
But you start working on it, you know how awesome this car can be if you put in the time on rebuilding it. You have the skills, or friends with skills, or the money to hire those with skills, to help you turn this broken down car into a work of art!
You strip away everything, which helps you find areas that you didn’t even KNOW you had to work on, until you get to the frame, the FOUNDATION of the car. THEN you start building it back up, bolt by bolt, wire by wire, you decide to improve it and drop a bigger motor in it, add better brakes and wheels, and AC.
Once you are done, you have one of the COOLEST cars ever a 440 Cuda. A car that people all over the world dream about, have posters hanging in their bedroom or garage of, people take pictures of it when they see it, strangers honk and wave when they see you driving by, it even might win awards.
This is all the SAME car.
It isn’t PRETENDING to be something it’s not.
It is just being a BETTER version of itself.
Some of you guys might not be classic car, muscle car, or MOPAR fans, and that is fine. All that means is you have BAD TASTE!
I want to say I am joking, but really I am not, the only cars cooler than a 440 ‘Cuda is a Hemi Cuda and a CUDA AAR! 🙂
But if you REALLY don’t like it, that is OK. There are enough people out there that do, and me and them already have something in common.
So when that girl, all of those years ago told me to “just be myself”, this is what she was talking about.
By being MYSELF I was putting out an accurate snapshot of who I am to every woman (and person) I meet. By giving them that honest picture, it makes it much easier for them to decide if I am someone they might click with. When guys are out there PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT, they are basically lying to everyone they meet. (Women who hook up with these guys and later find out it was all an act, rightfully feel like they were manipulated into bed).
She was also telling me to be the BEST version of myself! Not the stinky, unwashed, fat, bad clothes wearing, weak, unable to protect myself or my loved ones, poor, shy, unconfident version of myself. (which could easily exist if I let it). She was saying she wanted the version of me that lives up to my full potential!
Which can be difficult to do…
And it was.
Until my divorce.
Then I decided to make life my bitch and take control of it.
It took a while, I had to break down the areas of my life that need overhauled, rebooted, improved, and even add stuff I never would have dreamed about. Breaking everything down to the foundation let me see things I didn’t even know I needed to work on. It then let me rebuild myself into the man I am today.
The path I travelled was a difficult one. Moving to another state, the amount of money I spent, working a job that was making me sick from all the BS each day, and spending more hours than I can even count working on my Pick Up, Dating, and Life skills.
But now, as I sit here in my home office, looking out the window into the snow covered pine trees, living in Flagstaff, where I have been wanting to move to for years, living with my GF, who is the coolest most amazing woman I have ever met, getting ready to head out to teach a 3 day 1on1 private session, recently returning from a friend and former student’s wedding, working for myself, when I want, with who I want because of the world I have created, and I think back to the version of myself who first heard this, who heard “I want a divorce” who was alone, who was depressed. It’s almost like a dream. I have to really think about it to even remember SOME of that version of myself…and even then it doesn’t feel like ME…not anymore.
I can tell you first hand.
Everything I went thru and all the hard work was all worth it.
2015 was an action packed year for me. I knew I was moving away from Phoenix so spent as much time as I could training with my martial arts instructor, travelling, camping, martial arts, edged weapon and firearms training, and check marking more and more boxes off of my goals list that I made almost 7 years ago.
2016 is right around the corner.
I have accomplished so many things that are on my goals list that I am actually having trouble trying to add MORE things to it!
So if you want to work on goal setting TOGETHER, making 2016 YOUR year, and want to do a frame up rebuild on yourself, your life, or your relationship goals, and become the BEST version of “BEING YOURSELF”, I am here and ready to help.
You can do it solo like I did, and take years figuring it out on your own and hope to get lucky, or you can get my help and learn things in days that took me months or even years to master!
This is the first question I get as soon as I respond to the old “so what do you do for work?”
-and what my GF gets from all of her friends and co-workers as soon as she tries to explain my job to them.
It’s their only taste of this world besides the dating advice columns in magazines and all of those books like THE RULES but….most don’t take those things seriously.
They never got so depressed staring at the ceiling each night from bed, a bed they sleep in alone, wondering what’s wrong with them and why they don’t have to balls to talk to girls (and then google how to get help).
But I digress-
They like Will Smith (I’m still pissed about I AM LEGEND), he does have some great quotes about life and seems like a solid dude…so I will let it slide. Anyways Hitch was a big movie and even if they didn’t watch it they have at least heard of it.
-Word is they are actually turning this movie into a TV show, CNN LINK
So I wanted to cover a few of the big issues I had with HITCH
#1 ALWAYS be honest!!!
The movie starts off with him setting up a scenario where he lures away a woman’s dog, gives it to a client who then sets up an elaborate ruse where he can act like he almost died trying to rescue it.
What a great way to start things off with the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with!
I am honest, to a fault. (don’t ask me if jeans make you look fat unless you want the truth). I always tell my guys to be honest with women, and EVERYONE in their life.
-eg. Never lie to a woman about your sexual intentions? There are PLENTY of women who are down for the same!
So how was HITCH teaching guys to lie?
As soon as he starts doing his RECON work for his client’s “mark” he is:
A. Being creepy as shit
B. Gathering INTEL to help his customer create a fake identity with whom the “target” will then helplessly fall in love with.
-The problem with wearing a mask, is eventually it has to come off.
Days, weeks, months, YEARS later….the truth is going to come out and she is going to be mad/hurt, and she has every right to be.
You should never have to LIE to anyone, if they don’t accept you and your terms, keep looking until you find someone who does.
I, on the other hand, prefer to teach men how to be the BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES.
What does that actually mean?
It means teaching my guys to live up to their FULL POTENTIAL. To not allow something stupid like limiting self beliefs or 1 person’s negative opinion from years ago, to control the direction of your life!
Guys like me needed to have a paradigm shift and understand that this IS something that we can control, something we can work on and actually get better at, and THEN how to do so.
#2 Don’t chase that one girl!!!
I have gotten this question more times than I can even try to count, thru email, Facebook, in person, and on phone coaching calls.
“So there is this one girl…”
As SOON as I hear this, I know I am dealing with an AFC.
Thinking about “this one girl” at work, who works at someplace you frequent, or from your past- who has NEVER shown you even an ounce of attraction and probably doesn’t even know you are alive- well bad news, obsessing over “THIS ONE GIRL” is closer to stalking than love, on the relationship spectrum.
Guys need to learn that women aren’t beautiful butterflies.
Well they are human beings for one, but something that will help guys understand this is the Butterfly/Moth analogy.
Any guy who runs outside with his net, trying to catch “this one” perfect butterfly will always be disappointed.
Instead you need to understand that women are more like moths, and YOU are the bright light that attracts them. Then YOU chose the one(s) you want. The bigger and brighter you are, the more that you attract, and the more choices you have.
Then you find women who are legitimately attracted to YOU for being YOU!
I am currently in the BEST relationship of my life, living with my GF and this is how I “got her.”
I was awesome, she realized how awesome I am (and vice versa) and we both know how fortunate we are to have found each other.
No trickery, no lies, no pretending to be something each other is not. No con-games set up to trick her to fall for me. No gimmicks or manufactured scenarios to push her into my arms.
Which ultimately is the lesson that Pick Up tries to teach guys, that so many fail to even get close to understanding (even guys who teach this stuff).
The purpose of Pick Up is to level yourself up, to become cooler than you ever thought possible, to become the man that WOMEN WANT TO BE AROUND, and then be able to actually build a honest and deep connection with another human being, in any possible location in a short timeframe.
Once you have the skills to do that…life gets pretty awesome.
People are already using this horrible event to further push their political and personal agendas.
As a “PUA” for the last 8 years, a firearms and tactics instructor for the last 13 years, and living with my girlfriend who has a masters and works in the mental/behavioral health field and specializes in crisis response- we may have some of the most qualified and insightful takes on this tragedy.
First up, lets straighten out some of the facts about this story
Clearly this is a TERRIBLE event, and I am NOT using this tragedy to push any political, personal, or radical agenda. I just want to clearly lay out the facts that many news and web sites are slanting in their direction. I have also read articles referencing Rodger’s posts on various internet sites, one being PUAHate (which is now offline).
Lumping PUAHate in with the “Pick Up Artist Community” is the same as saying the NRA and the Brady Campaign are part of the “Gun Rights Community”
They have a 180 degree different view on the subject and both think the others are crazy!
I have had guys message me and posting on my sites that The Bravohood could have saved this guy, which I disagreed with.
Rodger needed a LOT more help than my forum could have offered him. Was his lack of sexual contact with women the focus of his rage that was the tipping point?…sounds like it. But when reading some of his online posts and parts of his manifesto, he was as far off as possible when it comes to what his issue with others was.
IT WAS HIM
People picked up on his attitude and energy and made the wise decision to STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
Going to the park and sitting for hours hoping women will approach you, bragging about how expensive your shades are and what kind of car your parents bought for you, isn’t the solution to sex and losing your V-card (otherwise that is all any guy would ever do)
Becoming the man that others want to be around, that adds value to other people’s lives, that is fun and exciting and truly knows what you want and works towards attaining those goals= is how you build a life that is inviting to others.
Looking at women as a prize or as a conquest is reducing women to objects and is a distorted and unhealthy view on life and people.
Approaching and building your conversation / social skills, understanding that others don’t look at life or the timeline of attraction the same way as you, that people have to feel different emotions before they become attracted to others, and that just because YOU like someone isn’t a reason for them to like you= are things guys who want to improve their social skills need to understand.
So it looks like he was getting as much help people thought he needed, and unless he has a history of violence, there wasn’t much more anyone could do.
So what could have been done to stop him?
Sarah, please take it away-
Let me start with this disclaimer: I have no special knowledge of Elliot Rodger or the case. I am basing my assessment of him and this situation from what I have reviewed of Elliot’s posts, from what I have gathered from the news and internet, and from my eight years of education and experience in the behavioral health field.
There have been reports that he had mental health issues, ranging from high functioning Aspergers to extreme paranoia and auditory hallucinations (hearing voices). I have no doubt that he did have Aspergers, which would account for his poorly developed social skills and inability to communicate well with others or make friends. He was also reported as very intelligent, which would account for his ability to later say whatever was needed to keep the police from forcing him to undergo an involuntary psychiatric assessment, when his parents called them for a well check. I see no evidence of paranoia or hallucinations, other than possible delusions of grandeur.
What I do see is a very angry and bitter young man, who instead of turning that anger and disappointment inward as many of us do (which results in depression, social anxiety, low self esteem, and/or impaired self confidence), Elliot Rodgerprojected all of it onto other people, blaming them for his perceived social exclusion. Regardless of whether this was caused by growing up feeling entitled to life’s happiness and others’ attention in an affluent family who gave him whatever he wanted, or due to blossoming mental health issues (most likely a bit of both), this anger and perceived injustice snowballed into a hateful narcissistic rage towards everyone he thought was having more fun than him.
What would it have taken to have stopped him, & what to do if you recognize an Elliot Rodger
Clearly there were a lot of variables here, and many people want to name or blame one (guns, improvement of social skills, police involvement, mental health treatment, parents teaching him accountability/work ethic/responsibility instead of spoiling and enabling him). Very likely, there is not just one variable that needed to have been addressed to change the course of events. I am going to focus here on the mental health and police involvement aspects, as this is what I do nearly every day here in Arizona (another disclaimer: I am familiar with this process only for Arizona; it varies somewhat from county to county and state to state, though the process and laws are usually comparable).
Anyone who saw the videos and realized how concerning they were could have reported it to police, who would have completed a well check (basically going out to his house to ask him if he was okay, and if he was really going to kill anyone). If the police felt that there was reasonable cause for concern (that he may harm himself, someone else, or had substantial enough psychiatric issues), they could have brought him in for an involuntary psychiatric assessment by a psychiatrist (this has many names, a involuntary psychiatric hold, a civil commitment, a psychiatric petition, and in California a 5150. In Arizona we call it a petition for short, which is how I will refer to it). However, as long as you say the right things to police and/or the psychiatrist (“no, i would never harm anyone, I was just angry, it was actually for a school project,” etc, etc) it is usually relatively easy to talk your way out of this type of situation. Keep in mind that when the police complete a well check, not only are they usually not trained to recognize mental health issues, they have to have reasonable cause to bring someone in. This could make it relatively easy for someone to say the things the police need to hear to believe you are not a danger. Even if the psychiatrist deems it appropriate to hold you for a couple hours up to a couple days, it is difficult to keep someone any longer than that, who is not gravely disabled or clearly a danger to self/others.
So what could have been done?
His parents could have continued following up, continued calling police for well checks, sought crisis intervention, went to his place and demand to search his room, ensured police or crisis staff actually viewed some of the concerning material, and his parents themselves (or anyone who heard/read his material) could have completed the petition. Most likely, they were unaware of the petitioning process and how to handle the situation (most people are) and did not want to believe he was capable of such violence. Clearly outpatient counseling and psychiatric services were not enough, and I am not convinced that a stay in the psych ward would have changed his belief that he was superior to others and that women (and “obnoxious men”) should pay for having denied him a happy life. By the time he had begun to plan to murder those he deemed responsible for his unhappiness, it would have taken drastic measures to have stopped him, such as an long psychiatric stay or imprisonment. And on what grounds? We live in a country where it is extremely difficult to hold or lock up people against their will, even search their house, without a very good reason. Prior to the last video being put up by Elliot, there was most likely not much to go off, unless his parents would have found his guns and writings about killing people.
Luckily, those who exhibit any Elliot type behaviors or make similar statements most likely are not quite to the extreme state that he was in just prior to the killings. If you ever hear anyone make statements about wanting to kill other people and you think that they could be even the least bit serious (and you don’t feel comfortable talking with this person to explore the issues and find out more), report it to the police and/or crisis line in your area. And keep reporting anything you hear that could indicate that person has thoughts or harm others, or him/her self. Sometimes it really does take more than one phone call.
What if you recognize a little bit of Elliot Rodger in yourself?
I have been hearing that there are many people out there who in some ways identify with or admire what Elliot did. They may feel a lack of social connections with others, they may turn the anger and disappointment inwards, or may suffer from social anxiety, depression, lack of self confidence or low self esteem. They may feel jealous and resentful of others whom they perceive to have happy and fulfilling lives, and they may be tired of feeling lonely and alone. If there is any part of you that can identify with this, and you recognize this is due at least partly to your own shortcomings, there is good news. You are one major step ahead of Elliot in improving your life than he ever was, and ever will be. The first step toward improving the quality of your life is simply being aware that there is something you would like to change or improve about yourself, and taking ownership of it. Social anxiety and depression are very treatable, and millions of people throughout the world have improved their communication and social skills, once they recognize that they are the only ones who have the responsibility and the power to make it happen. I urge any of you who feel as though they can identify with Elliot, take this moment to consider what it is that you are truly unhappy with in your life, and recognize that there are opportunities to change it. Counseling and therapy works for lots of people, and there are millions of people out there who are able to make improvements in their lives using self help/ self improvement techniques and opportunities, of which there are literally millions. Suicide (and in this case, hurting other people) is what some may turn to when they truly feel they have no other choice or opportunities in life. However, there are crisis services out there who help people every day when their thoughts turn hopeless and dark. The National Suicide Hotline is available 24/7, and is not just for people who are suicidal, but those going through a hard time. They have internet chat capabilities, and can also sometimes connect you to a local hotline that has more resources available in your area: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or 1-800-273-TALK.
Thanks Sarah for sharing that info with my guys on your day off!
The bottom line is crazy people, unless stopped, will always find a way to cause others harm. There are steps I take every day to mitigate the chances of ever being in life or death situations. There are also steps I take, that up my levels of awareness and options I have to defend myself and others. (and have had to use) But when someone decides to sneak attack random people in what should be safe environments, no additional laws or regulations will stop them from carrying out their goals.
Taking away the rights of others, never prevents it.
-For any of you guys who feel like you need the help Sarah wrote about, please do it. Having met quite a few of her co-workers, I can vouch for their amazing commitment to caring and helping people in their times of need, something I can relate to!
-For any of you guys who are looking for help in the areas that I teach and need support, positive advice, want to learn how to socialize and connect with others on a deeper and honest level, please join our FREE FORUM where guys like you (and me) have been able to improve our lives and are helping others do the same.
One of the most misunderstood and most difficult to overcome sticking points for new guys.
The fear of the approach is so powerful, that it quickly filters out the guys who aren’t committed to learning this stuff. But new guys who have very little experience getting numbers and getting dates start encountering “flakes” and their resolve and self confidence can get a bit shaky. Lucky for you, I am going to break this down so you can instantly understand what is going on…and you don’t have to spend a year trying to figure this out on your own (like I did back in 2006 which ultimately lead to the Bravo Number Close)
Guys (and AFC me) have so much trouble trying to understand this because we are still viewing the world thru AFC glasses, and have a distorted view on is actually going on.
The most important and first thing you need to understand is=
A reschedule is different than a flake
“Hey, something came up and I have to stay late at work tonight so I can’t meet you for a drink, can we hang out tomorrow?”
That COULD be a 100% legit excuse!mans since she is offering a reschedule date, that conveys that she WANTS to see you.
If she’s doesn’t offer a hard date and is more general with something like “maybe next week” then you should try to lock it down. If she is wishy washy on setting a time then respond back like a confident guy would with, “cool, well let me know when you are free and we can do something then :)”
That way the ball is in her court, incase she IS wanting to see you, the door is still open and her getting back to you is her giving you a big GREEN LIGHT. This also saves time my time because I don’t think about her or the date again until she contacts me, and it prevents AFCs from contacting her too much and looking creepy. It also conveys that I am a man with other options.
When dealing with a legit reschedule, I give her 1 chance at another time. If she wants to see me, she will find away. If she is on the fence just trying to “politely” blow me off (wasting a guys time and giving him false hope isn’t the polite way ladies. This is a good example of woman logic. If she doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions. It doesn’t exist). Now there are always exceptions to the rules and one girl who is a nurse and was on call had to reschedule a few dates, and because I was attracted to her, I let it slide. I did however let it be known that any time that happened, she had to figure out a way to make it up to me…and she always did! 😉
Now a TRUE flake= a chick blows you off, stands you up, leaves you hanging= fuck her.
Back in my AFC days, a flake would get me worried. (me being the super nice guy that I was)
She was digging me…and she wouldn’t do this, she’s not that type of girl….so something clearly happened…I wonder if she got into a car accident or something.
Is she OK?
I need to know.
Maybe she’s lost.
I better call her again.
I better call her again.
Shit. No answer.
I’ll know, I’ll text letting her know it’s OK to blow me off!
“If you don’t want to go out with me that’s cool, I just want to make sure you are OK. Just text me so I know. Either way I wish you all the best. :)”
What a giant fucking pussy….that was still painful to just type out….too bad I am not the only one who knows that pain.
Why would you wish a person who just conveyed to you, that you aren’t even worth a few seconds of their time, the best.
AFC think like this
Not adults who value their time!
Our time is our most valuable asset, fuck anyone who wastes mine! (especially whoever invented the fucking automated telemarketer)
Just like fuckers on craigslist who never come by, and don’t call/text/email you saying they changed their mind and leave you waiting around the house for an hour waiting for them.
Fuck them! (got it?)
If you built SOLID attraction, she wouldn’t flake on you.
Who do you think is the hottest chick in the world?
Prime Angeline Jolie
Or maybe some dirty porn chick.
Whoever she is, it doesn’t matter. The analogy will work. For the sake of the story I’m going to use Natalie Portman.
Let’s say you bump into her in your home town. You approached her (because you decided FUCK IT and took a shot like a Boss) clicked and go for the number close.
“I actually don’t even have a phone right now. It got hacked and I’m going over to japan for a month for a movie. But give me your number and I PROMISE that I will call you when I get back and we will have a date”
What would you do?
Of course you’d give it to her!!
So a month goes by, you tell all of your friends about it, and as 30 days draw closer you start getting excited.
Every time the phone rings you get excited, only to look at the caller ID and see its work, or even worse. Mom.
A few weeks go by
A month or 2
4 months go by and you’ve finally accepted that she isn’t calling, none of your friends believe you and you are so bummed, you don’t even jack to her anymore.
Then the phone rings and it’s some weird number.
“Hey……Stephen? It’s Natalie. I’m not sure if you remember me…”
“Natalie, of course I remember you…… what happened?”
“I am SOOOO sorry. I put your number in my purse, it got packed up, I looked for it everywhere, and I JUST found it and called you right away.
I really want to see you….if you still do?”
– of course we want to
“I’m in town this weekend, I have a suite at the Ritz and was wondering if you would want to come over, we can get room service and enjoy the hot tub that is in my room?”
– of course what would you say???
But, you have to work?
So what would you do?
Take time off? Call in sick? What if they won’t let you… quit your job?
What if it is your mom’s 60th birthday that weekend?
“Sorry mom. I’m sick. Cough cough. I can’t make it.”
Or are you cool enough with your mom-
“Hey mom, just got off the phone with Natalie Portman, we are hanging out this weekend, she’s in town, and we are hot tubbing, cool if I raincheck the bday?”
“Sure thing! Good luck Steve, wear a rubber, pretty sure she banged Russell Brand.”
“Shit, good memory, Thanks mom!”
Now why would I blow off mom’ bday for a chick that I don’t really know, and left my hanging for months?
Because she Natalie Fucking Portman, that’s why!!!!!!!!
She has SO much value (in my head), social proof, is hot, rich, basically she has +5000 attraction in my mind.
So if the girl you number closed last week only has +10 attraction in YOU, she might flake for any reason. If someone else comes along who rolls a +200 attraction, you get downgraded to a +2 and get blown off. Or since you only worked flash game, had a +200, but a day later, after she had time to think about things, and decided she didn’t like the pink boa as much as she thought….and the alien high five was more gay than cool, then that +200 turns into a -500 and her and her friends sit around making fun of you.
How do you fix this and prevent flakes?
By running solid game, that connects on a deeper level, that isn’t just flash game, and striking while the iron is hot ( locking in day 2 plans THEN, not days later).
Do that, and your flakes will basically disappear and reschedules rarely, if EVER happen. If they keep happening, then you aren’t running solid game.
I don’t even worry about flakes now. If a girl does flake, then that is her demonstrating her mindset (which clearly is not one I want to be around) that she clearly has bad taste (by not making the time to hang out with an awesome guy like me), or the third reason a chick will flake.
An emergency actually came up and she couldn’t reschedule with me.
If that happens, then when she does reach out to me later, I have to hear a good excuse, believe her apology, and accept whatever offer she is making to “make it up to me”. If I’m not satisfied with all of those, then her ship has sailed.
Lastly, a simple way to prevent those AFC thoughts from ever building up is to have a texting relationship with her already established. So when she is getting ready to leave she texts to let you know. Maybe she texts you because you have to let her into the building from outside, or for any other reason you can think of. That way if she doesn’t text before your date, you already know and aren’t left swinging in the wind.
Objective: demoing direct, day game for student during 1on1
Me= “So I have a question for you, do guys ever hit on you to try and take advantage of your SWEET discount”
HBSales Girl= “lol, not that I can remember” 🙂
Me= “Well, it’s happening to you NOW! You are incredibly sexy and I want to get to know you better” 😉
HBSales Girl= ” hahahaha OMG you are crazy, I might be able to give you a discount…. but I have a boyfriend…”
The old “I HAVE A BOYFRIEND”. A line that has crushed more dreams that the all the hoverboard rumors combined!
I get asked how to handle this on almost every first time Coaching Call.
So to save myself from having to explain it time and time again ;), I am posting how I handle this here- to help all my Bravohood brothers!
First off you need to understand WHY she is bringing this up, which there are a few reasons she could
She doesn’t have a boyfriend, and is trying to get you to stop hitting on her
She has a serious boyfriend.
She maybe has a boyfriend/ or someone she is into, and she is more attracted to him … for now
The first one is the worst. She is trying to be “nice” about blowing you off, which many guys take as-
“ya she was digging my shit and she wanted my D, BUTTTTTT she had a BF”
When really she was just creeped out by him and said it to get him to leave her alone. Since she didn’t check him, he didn’t think how he acted caused it, so he keeps acting the same way, and continues being creepy. (thanks GIRLS!)
If she is in a happy, committed and serious relationship, then when she says that she has a BF= she means it and is letting you know so you aren’t wasting each others time.
So then that only leave #3. Which is the one that you can play with.
Again you have to THINK about WHY she brought up that she “has a boyfriend”. Most of the time, guys aren’t as direct as me, and if they are running indirect game and she drops the BF line, then that means you were triggering the I AM HITTING ON YOU switch in her brain. So to fix that, hold back on anything that she could be picking up as an indicator of interest, throw a disqualifier out there, or change up your stack.
If you are running more cocky/funny direct game, like I prefer, then when I deliver my statement of intent, it make it perfectly clear what my intentions are.
– and my mindset is I would always rather be the guy who went for it and gets rejected, than the guy sitting at home, ALONE, wishing he tried
My joke about guys hitting on her for a discount, is something I got from Seinfeld, I use it ALL the time, and even if I don’t get the girl I can almost always get a discount!!! (and most importantly it is FUN for me to use) so that is a FREE TOP SECRET opener for you guys, that works awesome on Hired Guns- you are welcome.
So did I get her phone number?
How I use to respond to the BF line was with something like “Great, I am not looking for a GF, I am looking for someone just to have fun with” 😉 and then I would plow.
“You don’t have to convince me that other people find you attractive” -or another cocky/funny line along those lines.
But then I saw The Break Up. My brother kept telling me to watch it because of the dirty dishes scene
Gary: “Fine, I’ll help you do the damn dishes.”
Brooke: “That’s not what I want. I want you to want to do the dishes.”
Gary: “Why would I want to do dishes?”
Again Vince Vaughn delivers.
But the scene that I thought was the best was the opening scene where he hits on Jennifer Aniston at the baseball game and then when she brings up that she has (and was with) her BF- he plows like a BOSS!!!
So I modified it and that is how I followed up with HBSales Girl.
HBSales Girl= ” hahahaha OMG you are crazy, I might be able to give you a discount…. but I have a boyfriend…”
Me= “Are you going to marry him?
HBSales Girl= “I don’t know….I am only 23…I’m not thinking about marriage yet.
Me= “Then that is a NO!”
HBSales Girl= “no it’s NOT!”
Me= ” yes it is…because if it was a yes, you would’ve said YES, since you didn’t say yes…that means it’s a NO! 😉 I am pretty awesome and we might REALLY hit it off….so you kinda owe it to yourself to see if we click. You seem like the type of girl who is into really good beer. Have you been to Angels Trumpet Ale House yet?”
HBSales Girl= “no, but I’ve been wanting to check it out!”
Me= “you have to! It’s awesome, tons of super cool beer from all over the place, you have to look at the chalkboard out back to see what they have. So I’ll take you there and we can grab a beer, give me your number and we can go sometime this week.
HBSales Girl= “Ok, here it is (writes it down) I’m looking forward to having a few beers with you! :D”
Me= “No I said A beer…not multiple beers….Right now it is taking every ounce of self control I have not to hop over this counter and just have my way with you. I can control myself if I have ONE beer…but if I have a couple….well I can’t promise you will be safe. ;)”
HBSales Girl= “OMG!!!! You are crazy…..OK I look forward to grabbing a few beers with you ;)”
Me= ” You are a baddddd girl ;)”
We walk out of the store and my student turns to me and says. “What just happened??? She said she had a boyfriend and then a few seconds later she is giving you her number….how is that even possible”
So that is how I handle the BF line, when it RARELY comes up (it rarely comes up because if you are awesome, many a girl who has a BF will NEVER even mention it!)
Ask if she is going to marry him – if YES, then I would stand down
Anything other than YES, say “then that is a NO!” with a big smile
Tell her that you are probably going to hit it off and that she owes it to herself to see
Transition right into date plans (this girl had a rocker vibe so cold read her and went the beer route, also figured that she hadn’t been to this bar yet because it was fairly new and a bit of a drive from where she worked
Escalated and ABCed (Always Be Closing)
Point about my morals= I pushed this one a bit, to show what is possible in front of my student and to show off just a little.
If a girl legit has a BF I will not pursue her. I don’t want to be the guy who breaks them up, and I don’t want to possibly START a relationship with a girl on those terms. Many times the girl will later say that she doesn’t have a BF, that he was just someone she went on a few dates with, or she just ended a relationship. In that case=
One of the reasons why I moved back to Arizona was because California made it illegal for me to carry a firearm to defend myself. Nowadays I am always armed, and yet still fashionable! 😉
But what if you don’t have a self defense tool with you when you need it, or just don’t have one at all?
Situations such as-
in the shower
on the can
in an area where they are prohibited, and they check like an airport
working UC (UnderCover)
In a recent Improvised Weapons Class I helped teach some SWAT and UC guys from various local agencies the selection and use of different “weapons of opportunity”. We covered 3 groups in the class-
1. Edged weapon
2. Impact weapons
3. Flexible weapons.
Each student was given a homework assignment to find 1 of each type of improvised weapon in their home. The next day they reported back with what they found and how they would use them.
If I decided to look around for a weapon while I was in the kitchen, I had access to more large knives than I could carry, a cast iron skillet that would make a nasty impact weapon, and a dish towel that I could use to choke or limb control someone with.
If I decided to look around while on the can….I had a lot less options (but still all 3 if you think about it).
So I want all the guys who read this, and on THE BRAVOHOOD, to do this drill with me.
Set your phone or watch alarm for 2:13pm tomorrow (tomorrow from whenever you read this) and as soon as you hear it going off, freeze (unless you are driving) and quickly scan your environment for weapons of opportunity and how you would employ them. Think about if an attack WERE to happen, where would they be coming from. How could you escape..is escape even an option? Would you have to fight your way THRU an exit?
For a 2nd drill, set a countdown timer on your phone for 27 mins after you wake up the following day, and when it goes off do the same drill.
If you want to set a few additional alarms to drill this multiple time= AWESOME. Just spread the times out randomly so they kind of surprise you.
Report back in the comments below and list at least 1 of each type of weapon that you could find when the alarm went off, and details on how you would use it to defend yourself (and others if applicable) and how you would then get to safety.
I will personally respond to each comment with feedback and tips in a few days (after I finish up with my 1on1 this weekend and want you guys to have enough time to try and to report back).
Since my divorce in 2005 I have been working on improving my life, especially on connecting with others, primarily women 😉 .
Since starting BravoPUA.com 3 years ago, I have learned more about teaching than all the previous years I was teaching Pick Up and Shooting, Knife Fighting, and Close Quarter Combat (since 2000) combined!
I’ve kept my PRIVATE “bootcamp” event PROJECT X off the PUA radar, because I wasn’t sure it would even work.
Living together with students, spending every hour with them for days downloading as much info as I can…hell I wasn’t even sure if they were going to like what I was teaching let alone if it would blow up in my face.
PROJECT X, where I hand select the guys who can attend from an inbox full of applicants and invite them to Arizona so we can all work together and leave with memories and knowledge that will last a life.
At the end of the first one, something awesome happened. We were all brothers at the end.
The BROTHERHOOD was something I was hoping might happen, but never dreamed it would develop into anything as awesome as it did.
Guys were loving their newfound PUA skills, texting me in the middle of the night about some crazy adventure they just were on, guys were travelling across the world to hang out with their PX brothers- INCLUDING ME!
Well during the last one- PX4, I had Cinema come out and film some of it for you guys, so you can get a better idea about me, what I am about, what and how I teach, how those who attend can be transformed, and the bonding we all experience at PROJECT X.
It is my HUGE fucking honor to show you this short film and let you know that now, after 3+ years, I have trained enough Coaches and Jr. Coaches to MY INSANELY HIGH STANDARD that we can now offer PROJECT X more often and accept more applicants!
So check out this video and let me know what you think.
I showed my mom this video and she didn’t like all the cussing and I don’t think she was fond of the student making out with a chick at the bar….
My dad asked me a while ago why don’t I advertise with “teaching nice guys how to meet nice women….or something like that” and I don’t think has ever believed what I do is a real job
but after watching this he said it was great and was proud of me
so be careful, from those two reactions, this will either finally make you love me or make you feel like I am an even bigger disappointment than before and you still can’t understand why I put so much of my life on the “interweb”
If you are ready to change your life, go to PROJECT X to apply and hopefully I will see you there.